5 Texting Turn-Offs That Can Kill Attraction

woman looking at her phone

Budding relationships aren’t won by text messages alone. But they can be lost.

Many people don’t realise how much their love interest can be turned off by nasty texting habits that make them hold up their phone to their friends and ask “What’s his/her deal??”

So here are the 5 big texting mistakes we make, and why they are so important to avoid:

1. You are a “one-note” texter

“Hey…what’s up, I’m bored x”

“Not much, just watching Stranger Things. You?”

“Ah, love that show. Just chilling, got home from work.”


“You up to much this weekend?”

“Dunno yet. You?”


This is what happens when people treat texting as an “entertain me” machine. Instead of giving any value, insight, or fun, they simply ask one-note questions that show zero personality and make other people feel bored just looking at them.

If you want to start getting someone interested, use texts messages to express personality, e.g. “I just watched Stranger Things, and now I’m pretty sure there are monsters in my house! Also, now I feel like being a kid and going on an adventure, any ideas? ;)”

This makes conversation fun, instead of logical and boring, and what’s more it actually shows your personality, which makes someone way more likely to emotionally connect with you.

(Btw – you can see more examples of this in Matt’s brand new “Momentum Texts” program – click here to grab your copy now)

2. You try to play it too cool

bored man looking at phone

You thought you’d grow out of game-playing after 30? Unfortunately, many people don’t. They still think that purposely waiting 3 hours to text back shows they’re “busy”, meanwhile, the other person is getting more and more bored wondering why it’s taking 2 days to have a few lines of conversation.

No, you don’t have to be available to text at all hours of the day, but if you’re busy, just tell them you’ll catch up later (if they’re cool, they’ll get it), then talk properly when you’re next available.

But the whole: “I’ll wait double the amount of time he takes to reply before I text him back” game? That gets real old real fast.

3. You’re not moving things forward

Texting should be for either:

(a) Entertainment = flirting, jokes, funny stories, cute messages, sharing a GIF

(b) Logistics = arranging a date, deciding where to eat, etc.

(c) Setting your standards

Sure, you can also do some of the obvious: “Where are you from? What’s your job?” chat, but stay away from getting stuck on talking about boring daily updates, your annoying boss at work, or how you’re sitting around bingeing on YouTube Make-Up tutorials – these things shouldn’t be a focus when trying to create attraction through texting.

Think of text messages as things that “spark joy” (to borrow the words of Marie Kondo) – little ways to elicit an emotion, rather than as a substitute for a real life conversation.

Besides, you should always save some topics of conversation for when you actually meet in person.

4. You brush off compliments/flirtation

woman on phone brushing off a guy

Suppose you had an amazing date. Maybe you even kissed and shared a romantic moment.

They text you later to say, “Thanks for tonight. You looked incredible btw.”

And you respond: “Lol don’t be silly”.

It might seem small, but in that moment you KILLED THEIR FLIRTATION – and this is one of the biggest text messaging mistakes you can make in the early dating stage.

If you brush off praise, or don’t show some kind of acknowledgment that you like someone back, it’s going to make them question whether you’re really interested. If you like someone, give them some sign that you return their feelings (this doesn’t have to be sexual either btw).

5. You assert your standards at the wrong moments

When you come on too strong, act confrontational, or become aggressive in your expectations, you’ll find the other person start to get resentful and emotionally check out of the conversation.

This is why it’s important to know when it is actually appropriate to expect more from someone – to find a way of asserting our needs in a way that doesn’t get misinterpreted (which is all too easy to do when you only have written words at your disposal and no body language or non-verbal cues to make yourself clear.)

For example, if a guy is never asking you out but is constantly messaging, you can say:

“So, Mister, are you going to ask me out, or can I expect a “how’s your week” text every week for the rest of my life?”

This way you are (a) calling him out, but (b) moving things forward, and (c) doing it with charm. Now the ball is firmly in his court, but he knows you won’t be sitting around waiting if they don’t make the next move.

After all, the purpose of texting is to actually leave the phone behind eventually. To build excitement for a face-to-face meeting. To create connection for a flesh-and blood relationship (which is the goal here, I hope!)

Once you do this and start taking the momentum in your own hands (or thumbs?), you’ll spend less time having to worry about whether or not you’re phone will buzz every waking minute, and more time making beautiful connections with people you actually love talking to.

So don’t waste another second “winging it” and not knowing what to do next.

If you’re sick and tired of texting that goes nowhere, these messages get you off your phone and into a REAL relationship…

67 Counter-Intuitive Texts That Lead to REAL Relationships
(and the Surprising Psychology Behind Why They Work)

This is Matt’s brand new program, all about how to create momentum in the early stages of dating, with customizable messages to reach out, spark attraction, and get past texting to a real date (or your next date).

You’ll also discover how to build momentum with an existing relationship, by flirting, deepening your connection, and even how to regain momentum if things go cold to re-ignite their interest.

Click HERE To Get Your Copy


Free Guide

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12 Replies to “5 Texting Turn-Offs That Can Kill Attraction”

  • Desperate here, asking for one very simple advise:

    My question is: I was thinking that maybe I should try a bold, radical move and delete him from my friends’ list as a way to burn bridges and try to move on. But then I also think that this way I’m truly burning this bridge and ruinning any future possibility of any kind of contact, ever.

    What would be your advice?

    (I had a boyfriend for a year. We (I) broke up one year ago. He moved on, met a girl not long afterwards and has been officially dating her for a little over 4 months.
    I’m still alone, with no perspective whatsoever of having someone any time soon, maybe even ever, and still fighting to stop thinking about him and the whole thing.
    We are on eachother’s Facebook but he rarely uses social media. That is, he rarely posts, but he checks it.)

    1. Take control of the situation by investing in yourself. Start doing things that spark your passion and make your heart happy. Take a class. Take a new hobby. Go back online and get some dates. Not with the intention of finding forever love, but just as a way to learn about yourself and meet some interesting people. Keep it light. Keep it fun. Don’t do anything for him or anyone else but for yourself. The moment you start investing all that precious energy on building yourself up that makes you a more attractive version of yourself. You’ll value yourself more. And down the road as a byproduct you’ll attract more interesting people into your life. It’s a win-win!!

    2. I think “Facebook friends” is often taken too seriously. Does he publish anything you enjoy seeing or reading? Do you have any live contact? How many of your other facebook friends are in this all-or-nothing (facebook or not-friends) category?
      Once time, I deleted a friend when I was depressed, we re-friended, then he deleted me when he was angry. I left it. We are not connected by facebook, but we do see each other in person, and we are friends.
      I thought I would re-friend again only if there was some facebook “lock” that prevented this loose off-again, on-again friendship status! :)
      As Matthew said, you can argue, but don’t threaten the relationship. We can’t threaten the facebook relationship if it does not exist, so we have to deal with the live relationship.
      Sometimes, I miss his pictures and updates, but I’m also not able to feel jealous or depressed that I can’t keep up with whatever he is doing because I am not checking facebook updates, but rather out in the world living a life of my own.
      I think that deleting from facebook is not ruining any future possibility of friendship or contact unless he is overly dramatic about the meaning of facebook, and you already said he does not publish much.
      As Matthew says, get into experiencing and developing your real life.

  • But there’s one more thing about not accepting compliments.

    If he says “you looked incredible btw” and you just answer “lol don’t be silly” he feels – guess what – silly. And then he doesn’t want to make you any more compliments because he doesn’t want to feel silly or weak. It’s ways better to just accept it and say “ah thank you so much”.
    You don’t even have to give it back by saying “you looked great, too”, because that makes it like a competition of compliments and devalue his compliment. If you make a compliment, you should do it because you mean it, not because you want it back or because he made you one.

    And it’s even more attractive to take the compliment and not to say “ah I don’t think so” because you are allowed to feel confident about yourself. He doesn’t make you a compliment to push your self confidence but just to make you feel happy.

  • Have never had one before ,that’s why I’m failing to find my right partner.. have never found a serious relationship before.what should I do??

  • I texted 9texts.com, gave my name and email address,and never got an email. I even checked spam. How can I get the 9 texts?

  • I enjoyed reading and it’s very true, but in my case one friend of mine is playing those games and it pisses me off at times but in the same time I care for him anyway. Wish he would stop! (We’re not a couple!)
    So would be useful how to encourage someone to stop playing childish games without being so obvious by sending the link to this article…

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