There are many dangerous qualities of a toxic person, but the worst one of all may be their deceptiveness.
They can be so subtle in their manipulation, you may not even realize what they’re doing to you, until you’re in too deep and they’ve completely eroded your confidence.
I’m not going to let that happen to you.
In today’s video, I take you through the 5 signs you’re dating a toxic person so you know exactly what to watch out for…
I am married to a toxic person (but thankfully we’ve been separated now for over a year and we aren’t getting back together). The scary thing about watching your video, is that living with a liar for 12 years turned me into a toxic person. Even though all of our problems started with his lying, I then reacted badly to his his behaviour and he managed to turn it around into me being a nasty person. I’m opinionated and principled, but I am not a nasty person by default. His behaviour and reaction to my reaction turned me into a nasty person. I didn’t want to be nasty, but I felt backed into a corner by his lies and had no where else to go but being nasty (at the time I thought so). I now see that I do have a choice, and in hindsight, I should have kicked his sorry ass out many, many years ago. But I’m free now! :D
Thank you so much, i really appreciate it for the video, it really helps me understand more what is out there in this world
Hello Matthew,
Great video this week. I can related to this situation. How do you deal with a toxic person who is not a boyfriend but a family member? The toxic person in my life is my dad. As you were going through all 5 point of what makes a toxic person, I have noted that my dad fits perfectly in each point. For years now I have been trying different ways to deal with my dad since he is so negative about everything. I tried everything from distancing myself from him, ignoring him, or even trying to relate to him. Nothing has worked, and I am at a point that I don’t want him part of my life.
I would love to hear your point of view of how to deal with a toxic person differently. If you ask anyone that I know they will say to you that I am a very positive person. If I walk into a room where my dad is, he literally sucks the positivity out of the room. I believe this has effected me with my relationships with men, and I don’t want it to affect me anymore.
When you are in a relationship you can always break up with a toxic person and leave them. It’s harder to do that when its your own dad unless there is a better way to distance yourself from him. I would love to hear you advice.
Thanks Matthew, and have a lovely week.
Best regards,
Mandy
Hi Matt,
Thanks for making that video! I almost wanna cry with relief! For the last year I’ve been dating someone who is just like all five of those signs, to either lesser or greater degrees of course! Through watching and reading your stuff I have re-learnt about the dating game etc but, when it comes to dealing with someone who makes you feel inferior then that’s a different ball game! The relationship is now over ( I was told to leave while we were out one night, without explanation) the lead up was everything was my fault and when I tried to find a solution he would shut off then I would be punished by him ignoring me. Thanks again, it’s helped me decide what I’m not willing to put up with. X
I enjoyed your explanation of toxic signs in ppl.
It showed me where I have been behaving irrationally as well as putting up
With behavior from a person in my life that I should not.
Thanks!
Thank you for that bit of advice. I was dating a man who was toxic, and I decided my happiness was more important that staying in the relationship. Thank you again for your time and insight on a toxic person. Can’t wait for your next video.
Thank you for posting this. The toxic person in my life wasn’t someone I was dating it was actually someone who was a friend. Unfortunately, I didn’t realize what was happening until it was too late. Even now this person emails, texts, and calls me through multiple numbers and refuses to leave me alone. The toxic friendship turned into something far worse.
I liked this video on toxic relations. I am still not clear if it is my mistake or am I seeing somebody who needs to change me. Need some help.
Thanks
PERFECT timing for this video. Thanks Matt!!!
Excellent advice. I could especially relate to the part about it affecting your self confidence. I spent 10 years in an abusive relationship and never had a problem with low self esteem or being independent but the constant criticism and blame shifting wears you down. After 10 years I was a shell of the woman I had been when I met him. I did leave but it took years to cover.
Thank you for posting this, Matt. It will help a lot of people. My father is toxic. I didn’t realize it but for years I kept men at a distance because I didn’t want to go through that again – even though on a conscious level I was looking for love with someone who wasn’t like that. Now it’s easier for me to appreciate men and open up to them. Recently I dated a guy who seemed great at first, and then – POP – out came the inner guy, just like my father. That was a real shocker. I have been getting help to find out how to keep this from happening again. It turns out we are attracted to these people if it’s what we’re used to, even if we are trying to avoid it. For one thing, I will try to be sure that the guy is able to give emotionally and really appreciates my qualities and successes, before getting too hopeful.
Dearest Matthew, thank you again and again for keeping us sane in an area of life were we are so much in the dark usually, you are indeed a genius and a wonderful person for untangling so much of the web we unknowingly tangle.
Hi Matt,
This was a good video and I feel it went along with the 11 signs you are dating a narcissist. Unfortunately, my ex-husband matches all 5 signs of a toxic person and 11 signs that he is a narcissist. However, I did not realize he was all these things until this last year. I was not aware of all these things that he did until I started putting things together this last year and started thinking back to our last 11 years together. We dated for 5 years and we were married for 6 years. Six months after we had our first child I caught him cheating on me and I was willing to work on it and he said he would try but he did not. He told me that everything was all my fault and stupidly I believed it because he is a master manipulator. Finally, this last year I realized that the destruction of my marriage was not all my fault. And I’m finally starting to heal and I am now trying to take all the steps I can to NEVER be with a person like him again. So, most of these articles are exactly what I need to see the warning signs first! So thank you! :)
Wow, Matt. Awesome video!! That is my ex to a T. I hope this video reaches many women, so they can learn the signs more quickly than I did. You are right, when you live with it all the time it is easy to lose your frame of reference and think there might be merit in what the other person is saying. I spent way too much time trying to prove to him I was not the terrible person he said I was. Now I understand that was how he manipulated me to keep me engaged.
Thank you for this Matt. This was actually probably the hardest video of yours to watch. I have known for quite some time that a certain person in my life is toxic. It didn’t quite hit me until your event in NYC. When we got Near the end of the event and you had us all close our eyes and think of the one person we needed to let go of, I just started crying. And now after watching this video, this person is identical to three of the things you listed. I could go on, but it only gets harder for me, so I just wanted to say thank you. Thank you for being there and thank you for caring. Xoxo
Excellent video . Very interesting and informative .
The dynamics of relationships that become toxic can range from subtle to extremely obvious . This guideline is helpful to pinpoint some if the typically key manipulative behaviors stemming from insecurity that create toxic interactions . They aren’t always easy to pick when you’re caught in the middle of such a situation . It can be very confusing ! Sadly the person being toxic isn’t helping themselves either in the long run . So awareness is vital in being able to register what’s really going on and possibly communicate and change habits if we wish to move forward and grow beyond these patterns of behaving to get needs met . Or at least to recognize if toxicity is happening and is out of control and remove ourself !
I have experienced these things in past relationships , and also aim to be aware of my own behaviour and motivations . I know my ex definitely had a huge impact on me in some very negative ways by his methods of dealing with his insecurities . And possibly so did I ? Perhaps in my retaliation to his behaviors due to my confusion . That’s why I love this information and how it can our hour eyes to what’s really going on .
I also feel we achieved some great energy , my ex and I , and supported growth for each other at times as well . The fact that we’re all imperfect and carry our own luggage and wounds is very relevant , and vital to acknowledge . It’s how we choose to deal with those challenges and our underlying motivations and goals to work , as you say as a healing team , for strength and development , that matter .
All very helpful Matt . Thank you !
Thank you for this video especially today.
Super thankful to be out of a toxic–and even violent–relationship that ended recently. You’re 5 signs were on point.
Thanks Matt, You are an amazing personal coach for an all round view of life situations and the best I have come across. I am friends with a ladies man and am not sure about him. Not sure if he is toxic or not. Known him for about a year and still have not got fully physically intimate with him ha. And yet he and I are still friends. I have a few other male friends but sitting on the fence (yes, in the the nunnery at mo) as am busy setting up my own business and getting into a good personal space. That aside. I love your programmes and your attitude and approach and the work you have done in your life shines through. Thanks so much. Sara
I was in such a relationship for 3 years and EVERYTHING that you just mentioned happened to me. It was like you were talking about my relationship… my ex, he is a scorpion, and the moment you gave the example with the Scorpio, I was “Oh, wow ! This is the message for me!”. So, anyway, after 3 years of going through such an experience, we came to an end. It took me one year to get out all of the anger and frustrations that have built withing me, I learned how to swim, went to gym, started going to different courses and workshops and finally I got back my strength, my personality and the faith in myself. I can even say that this bad experience, though I loved this guy a lot and I tried all my best, in the end, it gave a huge gift: my confidence and the way I trust myself nowadays are of a higher quality than they were before. Thank you for your videos ! Your work is of a great help and I hope to see you in Europe as well.