3 Mindset Shifts for When You Think “He’s Too Hot for Me”

Ever notice how you completely fall apart when you try to speak to that guy you’re really attracted to?

If you want to finally stop putting guys on a pedestal and instill new empowering beliefs that will make you bring your best to the table, watch this week’s video before you do anything else…

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Growing up, I was always intimidated by people that I perceived to be beautiful.

I would think I didn’t match up, I would put them on a pedestal. And around them, any sense of charisma or wit would simply fade, and I would just become this blob of gray matter trying to blend into the wall. There was a moment recently where Coco Gauff, the youngest player to have ever qualified for Wimbledon, who’s 15 years old, in her opening match, she played her hero, Venus Williams, beat Venus Williams, and then in the post-match interview was asked, “How did you keep your composure?” And she said, “You know, it was the biggest court I’d ever played on, but I had to keep reminding myself that the lines on the court were the same size.” Translation: “It’s still tennis. I am still there to play the game I play every single day in practice. Simply because it’s a bigger audience watching or it’s more of a legend that I’m playing doesn’t change that my job is to show up and play my game.”

The same is true of people. I don’t care who someone is, or what you think they have, or how handsome you think that guy is, or what he’s achieved, or how intelligent you perceive him to be.

That is still just a person, and your job is to show up and play your normal game, the game you have been learning your entire life, which is just to do the most authentic version of you. So here are three things I want you to remember if you feel yourself getting intimidated by somebody else that you’re attracted to:

Number One: Don’t play the one-on-one comparison game, looking at them, going, “Oh no, their eyes are better than mine. They’ve got more symmetry in their face than I have.” When we compare one part of us to another, we’re completely misunderstanding how attraction actually works. We don’t fall in love with a feature; we fall in love with a package—what someone represents as a whole.

That brings me on to…

Number Two: What package do you represent as a whole? You got to represent more than a feature. I’ve heard it said about companies that a brand is a promise. In other words, a brand is more than a product. A brand is a promise of what integrity that company has, what character that company has, what its ethos is, what it stands for, what the level of service is. That’s the promise. And when we go into dating, we, our brand, is a promise, and it’s a promise to be something far more interesting than one feature. It’s a package, a style, a brand that cannot simply be replicated by somebody else, no matter how physically beautiful they are.

And Number Three: Recognize that anyone who does not see your value cannot be valuable to you. Now, I don’t mean they don’t have value in their own right as a person. I simply mean when we’re looking for love, when we’re looking for real connection, a real relationship, and you imagine your dream love, it’s two people who uniquely see each other’s value, appreciate what is special about the other, and fall in love with that. You cannot have a valuable relationship where one person sees the value in this person and this person’s like, “Eh, I’m not really sure.” Right? That’s not what we’re looking for. So if you walk up to someone today that you think is attractive, and you bring yourself to the table, and they don’t recognize the value in you, then you have lost nothing. That person has no value for you in the dating pool, and that alone should rid you of any level of intimidation you previously thought they had.

So if you want to stop being intimidated by people and actually start going out there and making a move, being courageous, doing the brave thing of speaking to someone, you might want some practical ways of how to actually do that. I have a free chapter from my program, How to Talk to Men, which is all about how to flirt, and it’s going to give you the practical. This video has been about the confidence; that free chapter is about having the competence to actually do it. So go to GetTheFreeChapter.com, download your free chapter right now, and I will see you there.

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2 Replies to “3 Mindset Shifts for When You Think “He’s Too Hot for Me””

  • I wish I saw this months ago. I am now engaged to someone who is already very successful when we met. Let’s be clear, if I am part a woman’s life while she is being more successful than me, I have no issues. Just the opposite, I am proud to play whatever supporting role I can to help her continue to be more successful.
    I had to deal with my demons evolving around my self inflicted fear people might think that I was in it for the money. The demons were all in my head and nothing with what she said or did; and I did not realize, however so modestly, it was affecting our relationship.
    When it became clear that this was no longer a hangup of mine, our love blossomed more than ever before.
    This post would have helped me resolve those false truths sooner. Just like her, my package is more than bank account balances.
    Thank you Matt.

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