I don’t usually talk publicly about my weaker moments.
When you work in the self-help industry, everyone expects you to talk about the positive things in life: success, money, happiness, popularity, beauty, love… Well, I don’t know about you, but my life certainly isn’t always sunshine and rainbows.
No-one talks about feeling alone and loneliness enough. Everyone talks about success, money, popularity, beauty, fun…
But what about those moments when we go back to our bedroom, close the door, and feel like no-one in the world understands the struggle we’re going through. We have so much fear of revealing our naked, scared, suffering selves at times that we feel like it’s not valid to talk about our feelings of being alone.
Well, not today.
This may be one of the most personal videos I’ve ever done, but it’s also one of the most important…
Whatever you’re going through right now, I want you to know that someone is listening.
Please leave a comment on the video and share your thoughts with others so that they know someone else is going through the same as them.
Matthew-
I cannot thank you enough for this video. <3
I think i have fallen in love with you. Every guy should be perfect like you so we won’t be lonely…
Thank you for all that you do Matthew. Your videos are always a pleasure to watch and I love how insightful and honest you are.
Xoxo,
Suzanne
Great view on loneliness, having the same feeling in itself takes away the loneliness. We all share the same struggles! I feel most alone when talking about myself, I don’t get the feeling that people care. So this makes me a great listener… but again, that gets lonely. Thanks Matt, you’ve been awesome through and through.
Wow, thank you for this video! I can totally relate to what you are conveying in it and totally understand the feelings/thoughts you have! Huge hugs!
Thank you so much Matthew, your integrity and sincerity shone through. Nobody ever talks about those moments and I still struggle with mine adjusting to living on my own after being in a 15 year relationship. Four years of being on my own, my life is full, successful – yet Saturday night is the most loneliest time for me.
xx
This is really helpful. I just moved to a new state where I don’t know anyone and the loneliness has been devastating. I felt lonely and separate before I moved and since moving it’s only been worse. I agree, loneliness can be painful and isn’t talked about. Thanks for the topic and video Matt!
<3
That was just so sweet. I hope you heal many hearts by sharing your unfiltered truth about loneliness. Its real, and because most people are afraid to talk about it – you've shown that even the most charismatic, confident, and attractive person has moments of feeling apart from everyone else. Keep sharing your real raw truth because you will give other people permission to do the same, and the loneliness epidemic will be cured. <3
This video came at a very appropriate time for me. My boyfriend just broke up with me two nights ago and the thing that I am most scared about is being lonely without him. He left our amazing home we got together just because he didn’t see a future with me. Am I that awful? I am already looking forward to meeting the next man who will love me because I am already so incredibly lonely it is crippling. I would love to meet a man like Matthew Hussey!
Matthew, luv. I’m so happy you brought this up and out. But it isn’t as surprising as maybe you thought it would be to your friends and followers. On several occasions I have watched you – once live in Dallas – and have thought that somehow you seemed alone, even (or especially) as you were surrounded by hundreds of us. I think I recognized it because I have often felt lonely even when surrounded by friends and good people. For me the sense of lonliness stems from not having that one person for whem we are the no. 1 most important person in their world.. and visa versa. While I agree it can be healthy, it can also get old. Which is why I am grateful for you, Matt. Xoxo Jen
Thank you for this heartfelt video. Very unexpected. I is so nice to hear that you get it……loneliness of the heart. Friends tell me how lucky I am to not have anyone in my life I have to answer to, or they tell me just to get out and go to things like concerts, plays, etc. by myself. They don’t understand how that actually maginfies the loneliness because so many others are there with someone….. has someone to share their experiences with. I have experienced loneliness at different time in my life, but most significant in the past year. Strengthening my relationship with God helps but does not take it away. Thank you again for sharing.
Matthew,
Thank you for being candid about your take on this topic. Admittedly, I started subscribing to your videos and program when I was feeling “alone” because I wanted to quietly process my divorce without other people’s strong opinions or feelings mixed into it. It was a lot more helpful than what i think would have been the case if I decided to do something more unproductive like watch trashy tv shows or movies. After attending the retreat in San Diego last year I also was surprised to hear so many women at the retreat share about mother-daughter issues and I also felt a lot less alone in that department as well as a result. The community that I’ve been a part of even if we’re all over the world since the retreat has also made the ladies from the retreat feel less alone because we all continue to share our achievements as well as difficult times we struggle with.
I love you too :)
Bravo Matthew…this topic hits very close to home for me. As a lifelong sufferer of anxiety (and perhaps depression at times), it’s extraordinarily important to recognize we are in this together. While the case can be said for the importance of exploring the solitude, perhaps the more important question is whether we like the company of just ourselves in those empty moments. Because those can be the loneliest moments of all. But I am living proof that you can endure over the pain and rise above the fear. I just quit a full-time job to start my own business and I’ve had many of those lonely moments in the past two weeks. Questioning for sure whether by going down this path, I’d find the like-minded people to make me feel less alone. Thankfully I believe in myself and I know this is the right path, it’s taken a tremendous amount of growth for me to have that kind of confidence. I have found that just simply living from a place of authenticity is the best loneliness cure of all because at least I’m not living someone else’s version of my life. Thank you for touching on such an important topic, I hope one day these pieces of awareness will make these topics less taboo. Keep doing what you’re doing, the world needs more of that raw honesty and truth :) Much love xoxo
True! Sometimes it’s sad being alone but I haven’t found the right man yet,just giving it time or just may never meet him.I am grateful for me and others in my life.
This is hard for me to share but I’m going to do it anyway. Yesterday my grandmother passed away from a brain tumor. All of my family lives in a different state from me, as did my grandmother. I am very sick at the moment and unable to travel to attend her funeral. Some of my family doesn’t understand my illness, including my father. On top of the grief I have found myself dealing with amplified loneliness as well. It’s been difficult for me off and on and this video has provided some comfort. I know I’m not the only one whose dealt with loneliness combine with other painful emotions. This a really great video Matthew. Negative emotions tend to make us feel isolated and bringing them out into the open helps us to connect, feel understood, and be heard and that truly provides some relief. Just knowing I’m not alone helps. Thanks Matthew! :)
So very sorry for your loss. Sending you comfort, love and care during this difficult time. May you find joy and peace in your everyday moments again soon xoxo :)
As Matt said someone else may be going through the same thing as you: my grandfather passed away yesterday as well, I’m in Amsterdam and all my family are in Australia – it’s very hard being so far from loved ones at such an emotional time. It can feel very isolating. I have only been living in the Netherlands for 2 months I moved here to be with my new boyfriend ( thanks Matt) but I didn’t realise that even when in a relationship you can be lonely. Now I am in a new city, I know almost no one and I’m not working yet so pretty much spend all week alone while my Man is working …. I know in time I will build community but when I moved to a new city for love I didn’t expect loneliness and isolation to be any part of it. Thank you Matt for this insightful video.
Hi Ava,
Thank you so much for your response. I am so very sorry to hear about the loss of your grandfather. I can honestly say I feel your pain. It’s very hard to be away from family at a time like this. It’s interesting that you pointed out how even in romantic relationships we can still feel lonely. Goes to show we do have to get different needs meet from different people. But I know you’ll be able to make friends in your new city since you already know how to apply Matthew’s techniques to real life situations. Congrats on your boyfriend btw ;) And I’m thinking of you in your time of sorrow <3
Thank you so much Shawnna. It truly means a lot to me that you took time to reach. One of the last things my grandmother said to me was that she wanted me to have a ball, so I will try to get back to a joyous and peaceful state soon. Thank you again. <3
Oh, I have been in your shoes and understand your pain! Big hug to you, my friend. Hang in there…
Jen in Austin- thank you so very much for caring and understanding. Thanks for giving me hope that I’ll get through this. ***Big hugs*** <3
Lauren,
I offer you my condolences. May you feel at peace with the memories of your grandma. You’re not alone.
It seems like you are suffering from being misunderstood or not believed by your family in addition to the grief of your grandmothers passing. This has to make it all the more painful and make you feel alone with your grief. I am so sorry for your loss. I hope you get through this as quickly as possible become well and happy.
Hey Sandra. Thank you for commenting. You’re exactly right. For my family to not be understanding about what I am dealing with physically does add to the pain and loneliness that I feel on top of the sorrow. But I am going to a good doctor that I trust and I have some close friends and you guys and that helps so much! Thank you for your kindness, compassion and care. <3
Thank you Susan. I really appreciate your words. I do have some special memories of her to treasure. It’s always nice to experience the kindness of a stranger especially during times like these. Thanks again <3
So, so sorry for your loss, Lauren.
Sending warm thoughts your way.
Renee
Thank you Renee. I’ve never communicated with anyone in this community before but I have always heard wonderful about the ladies within it. It’s special to have guys reach out to me. <3 <3
Hey Lauren ,
Please accept my condolences for your loss. May you find comfort in beautiful memories of your grandmother!! I am sure the rest of the family will come around, give them time. They are hurting too!
Hi Lorine,
Thank you. I really appreciate it. I am trying to mix in some happy memories of her with the heartache I feel. My father has convinced his side of the family that I don’t have health problems (even though medical test show differently), but at the end of the day I know my family loves me even if they don’t believe me and that’s what really matters.
Lauren,
Thank you for being so honest and vulnerable in your sharing. I am sorry for the loss of your grandmother. Especially sorry to hear of your own illness and the aloneness that you are feeling at this tender time.
Matt modeled for all of us how to take the risk to share our vulnerability. (Bravo and kudos for your raw expression in this video.) I am noticing how this has opened some of us to bravely also open and share. Thank you, Lauren, for being so brave! I hope that even through this exchange you might feel a bit more surrounded by the love and care of strangers.
Maybe this is how it begins. One by one. Opening ourselves a bit. Researcher and author, Brene Brown has a wonderful body of work about vulnerability and shame, including two amazing TED talks! I have particularly loved her book, Daring Greatly. Thank you, Lauren, to daring greatly to share. Sending you hugs at this hard time.
Hi Julia! Wow, you are so very sweet. I definitely appreciate your comment. Very meaningful and personable. I will look into the works of Brene Brown. Thank you for sharing that with me. At first I didn’t know whether to comment on here on not but since the video did resonate with me I decided to go ahead and put myself out there and I’m glad I did. Everyone has been so wonderful to me. Even though I am an emotional person on the inside I have had a hard time sharing it on the outside but I’m getting better at it. I think when you are vulnerable with people even though it feels scary it makes you stronger. Yes, it’s so touching to experience the kindness of strangers who have taken time out of their day to show me love and support. Sending much love to you Julia and ***Big Hugs***
You said something that really resonated with me. My son has a genetic illness and is so ill, especially so as a baby. He’s nearly ten and I thought back today after listening to Matt how all my relationships were altered then forever. People assume your immediate family will be understanding and cope well, supporting you. But this often doesn’t happen, it’s the other extreme. And this can make you feel more isolated and out on a limb. So I really feel for what you are going through. And wish you all the best for a recovery and a way to get through. Matt has the most wonderful, intuitive understanding of the human psyche doesn’t he. I’d love to grab a flat white with him, I find him fascinating.
Thank you Kathryn. And thank you for sharing some of your story. I am very sorry to hear your son is ill =. You’re right- you would expect family to ”get it”, but sometimes they don’t. It can be hard to understand and can make you feel kind of rejected at some level or at least like an outcast for the most part. That’s why it’s so touching to have a community like this. And yes, I must agree with you about Matthew and his work. He is an incredible human being.
Great video Matthew! You are exactly right, loneliness is universal. We all experience it, even those in relationships do. Thanks again for your words of wisdom!
Debra
Thank you Matthew for expressing what I’m feeling at this very moment. I’ve been single for many years and it’s Saturday night. I have family and lots of friends so it doesn’t seem possible for me to feel lonely, but I feel very lonely tonight. I’ve been online dating for a few months trying to find my soul mate but no such luck.I really appreciate your vulnerability.
I live by myself a 1000 miles away from my beloved partner. We have to live apart because of work. But every time I talk to him before I go to bed at night, I am reminded how lucky I am to have found love. Because for a long time, I had no permanent partner and lived a fairly lonely existence. I am deeply grateful those days are over but they did teach me how to live alone, how to follow my own interests down paths surprising even to me. These paths make it much easier to live on my own today.
Thank you for your video. I do think it is one of the most important ones you have done, applying to all sorts of people. Thank you in particular for saying that solitude can be creative. Loneliness is when solitude feels empty but even unwanted solitude can be a place to learn.
I just wanted to say that your fearless, raw way of approaching these issues is so refreshing in this day of mass produced videos, blogs, books, etc. It is really quite relieving to know that someone even as famously in demand, attractive and desireable as yourself experiences loneliness too. I am a young 40. I have raised both of my kids and they are now grown and I’m alone. I spent my life just for them and now it’s just me. I feel so lonely and unneeded at times that I don’t think I’ll ever find another purpose in life, but then I see this and it made me feel like I truly am not alone. I want to give up hope, at times, that I will never find another companion but then I see your videos and it really makes a difference in my heart. I want to turn cold and hard but your videos always melts that away. Thank you again, for all that you do and for sharing so openly your weaknesses as much as your strengths. You are just an awesome person and I wish I could meet you just once to shake your hand for a job well done sir. :)
Wow, thank you so much for this, Matthew. I always enjoyed your videos, but this one touched me at a very deep level. I have had to walk away from the best relationship I ever had and it’s been excruciating trying to let him go and process all the emotions that are coming up so I can move on. Right now, I do feel lonely and I’m someone who normally enjoys a lot of solitude. I miss my soulmate to the depths of my core and I’m not sure when the pain will end. It’s hard to share that with others as they either don’t understand and/or tell you there are lots of other fish in the sea. So this video really helped me tonight. Your words were beautiful and I’m sure you will help thousands of others by being so open and vulnerable. There is so much of people pretending their lives are perfect, it is so refreshing to hear someone get real. Funny how someone I’ve never met has so many answers that empower me at any given moment. If only more men could communicate as you do, relationships would be so much easier! Thanks again for this special video, Matthew, it moved me to tears and I am grateful for the email containing this video tonight xo
Thank you for this week’s video, Matthew. I am alone the majority of the time, but I never really think about loneliness. Even in a room full of people, I often feel alone. Others have this perception of me as this outgoing, social person, but I don’t feel a connection with very many people. In a way I seek solitude and mostly don’t mind my own company, but I also recognize that it’s partly a defense mechanism; that maybe I keep to myself to avoid being disappointed by others. That certainly is a lonely way to be, but I often feel people don’t care what I have to say so there’s no point. I’m even reluctant to hit the post button on this, but I know I need to work on being more open, so – here you go!
Rhonda, I am so glad you decided to hit the post button! You are most definitely not alone with your feelings of loneliness. I can relate to everything u just said 100% People see me as this bubbly, always happy and smiling girl. My nickname is giggles if that puts it more in perspective lol however I don’t feel like that on the inside. I just want you to know there is someone else going thru exactly the same thing. Ur post has helped me to not feel so alone. Thanks for sharing.