Why Isn’t He Calling?

In this week’s episode of LOVELife, I take a call from Anna about a guy she’s been casually dating and what to do when, in between dates, she doesn’t hear from him at all until the day of the date.

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17 Replies to “Why Isn’t He Calling?”

  • This guy is too vague because he doesn’t see her as his “dream girl” or he’s playing games. I would have turned the tables on him and canceled the date ( I bet he wasn’t expecting that one….) Let him sweat over it & if he doesn’t man up- move on.

  • That studio is red!! Did they change it because red is supposed to be the color of heart (iheart)? I love red color, but February is the only time I don’t like it. :-P The month we get saturated with shallow, manipulative, conventional interpretations of love.

    Anyways, Anna now lots of people are going to tell you that this guy only wants to have sex with you, use you, blah blah…don’t listen to them. Just listen to Matthew’s advice. He is telling the logical explanation from a guy’s point of view.

    Saying “I’m a person of habit.” in this situation sounds like “I need constant attention.”. Women usually need constant attention at the beginning of the relationship, because they need confirmation, they want the guy to fall for them right away. Let’s be realistic. It is not even about the guy. Women see it as a challenge when the guy pulls away and when/if they get him, it satisfies their ego. It confirms that they are desirable. If this guy was calling you every day, you probably wouldn’t be interested in him this much.

    It has only been a few weeks and a couple of dates. What is he supposed to say in a text message constantly? It is lame. He doesn’t know you well, and you don’t know him well. Take it easy. Some people are very independent and they don’t dive into relationships easily. Just let him take care of the rest, as Matthew said. Good luck!

    Great video, Matthew!
    All the Best! xx

  • Amazing advice! I loved this video because this is a common scenario I can relate to. I usually do relax and let the guy contact me when the date is closer. Anyway, see you in New York tomorrow!! Woo hoo!!

  • Hi Matthew! :)
    I got a really good question for you!

    I’ve been dating this guy for a while, and we’ve hit a pump on the way. You see, we have completely different needs regarding to how often we see eachother. I’ve noticed that this is a common problem with couples, as several of my friends have experienced the same.
    My question to you is, how can one communicate ones needs in a casual way?

    1. The person that wants the other more is the one that wants more contact regardless of sex.
      I wouldn’t communicate my needs. I would just distance myself a little and make him wonder what happened.

  • This is the first video that I disagree with you Matthew.
    This guy is too laid back and he has taken for granted that the girl will go on the date.
    I think she needs to shake things up a bit.
    She needs to break the routine to get him excited before he starts looking elsewhere. To do that she needs to break a date either pretending that after such a long time of not speaking she forgot or to directly cancel the date on the last minute with an excuse that something came up.
    If he is not sure he is going to check up on her. I am sure that in the beginning he is going to be upset but if he wants to know the reason she can tell him “listen, I appreciate that you are arranging dates with me in advance because I don’t like last minute plans but things come up during the week. Why don’t you drop me a message in between the dates so we can avoid misunderstandings? I think it is a fair compromise my baby. Don’t you agree? xx”
    Men don’t tend to fix things that aren’t broken and they tend to like efficiency. That’s what she needs to do. She needs to make his way inefficient and hers efficient ;)

    1. Exactly! I doubt he’d leave it up in the air if he didn’t think he had her wrapped around his finger. She needs to be less available and busy herself meeting other men.

  • I need help.
    There is a guy in my area, that when I see him he is amazing. We talk about things and laugh. We had lunch a few times but then he became unavailable. Very busy at work. I have a friend who knows the place where he works and says that they really are pushing them very hard.
    After I saw him the last 2 times I wrote to him on FB and once by email and he didn’t answer.
    I have other options but I want him more.
    Can I do anything to turn this around or should I just forget about him?

    1. Nina,

      You already emailed him and he didn’t answer. Trying to contact him again is gunna make look low-value and less attractive. I know you really like him, but your dignity is more important. My suggestion is to wait til he contacts you. Less = More

    2. work is never an excuse if you really fancy someone. Has ever work stopped you from dropping a text to the guy that you fancy? It never stopped me. Anyone can make 30 sec time to say hello with a text.
      He stopped contact because he either has another woman (which is the most possible) or you did or said something that put him off (unlikely).

    3. Thanks Phoebe and Candice.
      It doesn’t seem like he is going to do anything soon. I should forget about him but I think of him even when I am out with other people.

      I wish there was a pill for that :)

  • I’ve been on and off with this guy for 6 years. He finally opened up to me 3 years ago and admitted he loved me. And I’m finally graduating and going to be moving to New York where he lives. But he says he’s not ready for a commitment and wants to start fresh when I do finally move in 2 months. But in the meantime, he’s always busy and doesn’t text (which he says he does that even to his own mother). Should I give up on him? We’ve grown matured together through so many hardships, and we’ve still maintained a connection (at least I think) What should I do?

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