What Makes You Magnetic To A Man?

This is article #56 to be published on the Get The Guy blog from my brother Stephen. Steve helped co-write the Get The Guy book and is a wealth of knowledge on dating and relationships.

(Photo: Marco Abis)

Enter Stephen

In last week’s post I talked about keeping a guy ‘off-balance’ and how you can do it.

One thought from that article was that people are more magnetically drawn to us when we aren’t 100% predictable in our behaviour and thoughts.

I’ve been thinking this week about other traits that make us ‘magnetic’.

I believe magnetism is an essential quality that makes anyone fall in love with us (or at least want to be around us), and therefore a quality we should all aspire to have.

So what is magnetism?

Magnetism is not the same as physical attraction.

Physical attraction is when we create an animalistic tug in someone that drags their eyes in our direction. It’s a flat stomach, cute dimples, puppy-dog eyes, a great smile, a suggestive tattoo, curves in the right places…whatever happens to wake up your blood.

And that physical stuff matters. I won’t lie. There’s no way of having lasting attraction without visual chemistry first.

Diet and exercise, having nice hair and attractive make-up, straight teeth, good posture, wearing fashionable clothes that accentuate your femininity: all of these things do essential work towards turning a guy’s head.

But magnetism is not the same thing.

Magnetism is an unseen but powerful quality we create through our actions. It’s what keeps someone’s gaze in our direction once it’s already there.

When you are magnetic, people are sad to miss out on your company. Friends want you in their life more and more. People want to work with you. A woman who is magnetic is usually the kind of woman a man tells his friends is ‘wife material’.

It’s in things like:

  • Your ability to bring up the mood of those around you (i.e. be a positive influence).
  • Having people look forward to a conversation with you, because you know how to get them to open up about what matters to them.
  • Being someone who can be counted on to make life an adventure.
  • Always having new books, films, theories and ideas you’ve discovered recently. (People committed to having new input are always interesting company).
  • Being known as someone who follows through on your plans, rather than being another talker.
  • Showing the ability to think and act independently and not follow the most popular, conventional or safe opinions of those around you. Be a leader in your own life.
  • Being kind and acting with class to everyone you meet (Do you really want to introduce a snobby jerk to your parents/siblings/cousins?)
  • Not looking down on others who are less successful, good-looking, or happy than you.
  • Being able to handle problems in your life without breaking down or complaining, or looking to someone else to ‘save’ you.
  • Being able to understand your own shortcomings and not hide from them constantly. Maybe even having a sense of humour about them. And never letting your insecurities control you.
  • Not being filled with envy and being able to praise good qualities in others.
  • Being a person who would rather try and fail than not try at all (and who can laugh off the failure afterwards).

These are just a few that spring to my mind.

But as this is a recent thought I’ve had I’d love to keep the ideas flowing on this topic.

So with that in mind, here’s today’s question: What are two qualities you think make someone that ‘magnetic’ person you just want to have in your world? Let me know your thoughts in the comments below.

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87 Replies to “What Makes You Magnetic To A Man?”

    1. I love that you pinpointed Progressive. That is so True and Inspiring, I was just thinking recently how that’s the best way to Inspire someone who is feels stuck and Unmotivated and Counterproductive. Good for you for throwing that Gem in the Mix <3

  • Great stuff. You always amaze me, Stephen. :-)
    What i really like in any human being is when i see he/she cares. When they really look me in the eyes and tell me ”i get you”. That heals my soul. And, off course, to be positive.That is appealing, to me. Love you. :-*

    1. Yes absolutely. I think a lot of us feel the same frustrations of not feeling truly Seen or Heard so someone just taking the time to make you feel like you’re Supported and Understood can mean so much

  • Two magnetic qualities are manners and respect. When a person has a quality of having manners they become more attractive and inspiring. And when a person can show respect to others that means they respect themselves and take pride in their way of life.

    1. Absolutely I totally agree. It’s very rare where I am from to see people who passionately value Deeply Rooted Manners and Respect, I am so glad you do and hope People will feed off of it

  • The two qualities that draw me to someone are kindness and a sense of humor. A guy can have a million bucks in the bank but if he’s rude or takes himself too seriously I’m totally turned off.

  • I feel being confident with oneself in every single situation is magnetic in a guy. If he respects women that is again another trait I’d consider magnetic. Although having beautiful smile and eyes would be considered as a bonus ;) :D

    1. Yeah I would definitely say a Man who truly Respects Women definitely makes Him stand out especially with all the Pop Culture BS that’s polluting everyone into Pigheaded Monsters nowadays. Watching this Season’s ¨Battle of the Exes¨ is a perfect Example, the Conversation last Week with Zach calling Women ¨Born to be Inferior to Men¨ was absolutely disgusting and even worse that no other Men called him out on it and set his Ass straight. I hate that we see Women standing up for OUrselves and each other but no REAL Men backing us up and even worse jumping on the Losertrash Bandwagon instead

  • Good question. I’ve been so busy trying to be magnetic I haven’t thought about what makes someone magnetic to me. :-)

    1. Kindness – Sucks me in like a magnet.
    2. Attentiveness – Wish men really knew this.

    Good thoughts, Stephen! I enjoy your articles. Will Matt ever write again here or will he just do videos and I Heart Radio videos? I like the videos but miss his writing voice.


  • 1. adjusting to different love languages, being keen to observe what is needed for the moment.giving the other person that “benefit of the doubt” not to jump into conclusions but learn to trust.

    2. a guy who knows how to control his anger in an intense situation-or control his desire to lay every women he meets ;) or a guy who’s not scared to wear pink ;)lol…or show his emotions to me-duh?!cry if you wanted to.that’s very manly and masculine.

  • For me someone who is intelligent, that I can have a good conversation with also, who will listen without predujice, when I have a problem in my life, not needing to rescue me or tell me what I should do, just listen until I’m done moaning. That is magnetic to me. X

  • How do you balance these too?

    Always having new books, films, theories and ideas you’ve discovered recently. (People committed to having new input are always interesting company).
    Being known as someone who follows through on your plans, rather than being another talker.

    An example: sharing with others in conversation a new sport i’ve discovered that i’d like to start/try.
    This is an example from my life. I decided that I wanted to try out pole dancing, but i also knew that i had other things i had to prioritize financially and i think i might be able to start in spring. however i told a friend about it in december, but was that a mistake now that i haven’t started yet?

    1. Its cool as long as you’re still up for it =)) we all have stuff in our life happening and we cant always do something we really want to do. Because life is unexpected you could want to go to china but next day you get fired.. Meh not your fault : P

      1. I agree, as long as you have a Reasonable Reason don’t be too hard on yourself, I would give Myself Credit for choosing to be the most Responsible Version of Myself too

    2. I believe that as long as didn’t give your friend a time frame that was not within your reach, that you’ve made plans and set a goal of when you’ll do it and you don’t keep pushing it back you’re fine. I think the problem is when you talk about something but have no intention of ever doing it or you do make plans and you just keep putting it off or sidelining it for things or making excuses not to do it.

      1. Yeah when I read that part in Stephen’s Post I felt it in the Context of honoring a Promise that really means a lot to Someone else. Not staying True to it for Selfish Immature Reasons like you said damages Trust and can cause others to lose Respect for you

  • Hey Stephen,

    Thanks for sharing your article.
    Very positive food for thoughts.

    Two qualities that makes someone magnetic in my eyes are :
    ●A sense of humour – to be able to laugh from yourself and situations around you. So attractive and sexy when the guy is able to laugh and make a jokes.
    ●Being adventurous – exploring the lands you haven’t seen before, trying the things you haven’t experienced yet. I call it looking out of your little comfort box.

  • 1. Someone who can handle the eye-contact who can look at you and really listen look so deeply that you can sense how they are feeling. I just really value people with eye-contact =))
    2. A person who is inlove with life. Who wake up and take up day as new challenge. Charismatic.

  • Stephen,
    I love this train of thought following on from last week. I’m thinking;
    – New input from arts, ideas and also from the world around us. New innovations, current affairs, humanity. Being open-minded, not prejudiced or overly judgemental.
    – Being a physical person who doesn’t shy away from hugs, contact, reassurance, friendly touches.
    – Seeing the beauty in life, where it lies.
    I know this is three, not two. But as I am the first to comment this week, I thought you’d let me off

    1. Your Answer was so Beautiful Katheryn, thanks so much for sharing!! I especially liked what you said about Guys (or Women too) who aren’t shy when it comes to showing Affection or Reassurance, that was so fucking Cool

      You are a Natural Poet, the way you Write is absolutely Beautiful

  • Hahaha I am just like this :D naturally xD you just described how I am :) glad I am like this then :) great post Stephen

  • When you say, and people think of life being an adventure it is always thought of purely in the literal sense. A parcel came just before Xmas for my son from the hospice. It was a copy of David Walliams ‘Demon Dentist’ signed to him specifically by name, and when we read it together I wanted to cry. The young lad in the story only has a father, who is confined to a wheelchair and they have wonderful adventures together in their minds. I’ve never been to space but we went to a talk, with another signed book! by Stephen Hawkings daughter Lucy about space travel and the cosmos. Films and books take you to places, but we have a perception in society that the only way to have an adventure is to go to a far flung destination. Which would mean anyone that had lost limbs or suffered an accident or been born disabled in any way cannot experience or want to experience adventure. Life is a wonderful adventure, it’s a gift. X

  • i think people who lose themselves in the moment, allowing silliness, true feelings and enjoyment show through. Too often people are afraid to open up or relax and it makes them hard to relax with.

  • 1. Presence – someone who is present with you in the moment, conversations, with their and your emotions, someone who makes you feel like you are the center of their life now.
    2. Sense of self/authenticity – when it feels like a person knows who they are and how they are. Even if they’re not loud, they know themselves, so they treat others with integrity and authenticity.

  • “A theology built on love, acceptance and Jesus is always a head-turner” -Bob Goff I would say a man built on these same things does it for me :)

    Love reading everyone’s answers!

  • Someone who captives me is someone who is optimistic with a passion for life, not like they’re portrayed on tv, but someone who sees the good in most any situation and not constantly dwelling on the negative. Say they wanted to go for a hike and the weather was great the forcast called for sunny skies and warm weather all week then the day comes and it rains they would be like that sucks I was really looking forward to it, but hey I got to read that book I’ve been wanting to for the last month. Another example would be if a family member died they would still be hurt and sad. They might say I’m glad they are not suffering, but I miss them.
    Another thing that draws in me is presence. I don’t mean life of the party, because you can be doing nothing just standing there listening and have more presence than the person who is laughing and joking everyone. I don’t know how to really describe it but I’ll do my best. Someone with presence exudes confidence, but that’s not all, when they walk into a room you know they’re there and I don’t mean in a menecing way. It’s more like the air around them is charged and you can feel it. It’s almost like they are in command of the room. When they speak people don’t just hear them, they listen. When they are just standing there people unconsciously mimic their stance or movements or other peoples movements move around revolve around theirs. It’s like watching a dance where the dancers are all connected by strings and one person is in control and their actions have people moving with them in either similar or opposing movements even if they are not watching them or in the same group.

    1. This was such a cool Answer, I totally get what you mean! Someone who is Optimistic in a Mature and Admirable way and inspires you to dance to the same Rhythm with your Life. And what you observed about a Person’s Presence was so cool, I love how you went into further detail about someone who is just Listening and everyone can still feel the charge of their Aura at the same time. I never thought of it that way before, that is so cool and people should definitely bring this point up in Leadership Seminars too. It’s not just about being a Highly Skilled Performer, but being a Highly Skilled Receiver is equally as Important

      1. Thank you Lisa. It’s nice to know someone understood what I was trying to convey. I was a little worried I wasn’t making much sense and people would wonder what I was blabbing on about. :)
        I’m sure everyone else that you have taken the time to read and respond to are equally as appreciative, even if they don’t reply back right away. Keep being the beautiful person you are and have a wonderful day. :D

        1. Thank you so much Pixie. your Comment really made my Day. God bless you for being the Beautiful Cheerleader you are too :0)

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