Unrequited Love is Bullsh*t

Yeah, I said it.

Before you give your heart to someone who doesn’t deserve it today, please watch this video. It could save years of your life…

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I can’t be attracted to someone who doesn’t want me back. That’s not attractive. That’s masochism right there. That’s what it is. It’s this weird thing we do to ourselves. Unrequited love, unrequited love – like it’s a romantic thing.

“I love him. I love him. I love him.”

“What’s the problem?”

“He doesn’t love me back.”

“What the fuck is wrong with you?”

That’s not love. That’s worship. And we’ve become attached to this idea of unrequited love because it somehow gives us a righteous cause to chasing someone who treats us like shit.

I am ruthless with ditching people that don’t give me energy. There are seven billion people on this planet. I have zero time for flakes, for people that don’t try very hard. I know so many women who, they get a guy for an hour a week, or they get a guy for one night a week, and then they’re like, “I just want to see him more… But you don’t understand. We have an amazing connection. We’re great together. When we’re together, there’s fireworks, there’s chemistry. We have such great time.” Well, that’s a really dangerous thing to base investment off of.

When I invest a little bit, does he meet me there? Oh, I’m attracted to you. Okay, let me invest a little. Did you invest back? Oh you did. Okay, let me invest a little bit more.

I don’t think relationships are easy, but the part where you say, “I want to see you,” and he says, “Yeah, I want to see you,” that should be fucking easy. Relationships aren’t always equal, but they can’t always be unequal in the same direction.

“He says he has no time, but I see him doing all of these fun things.” Well guess what? That’s what he’s choosing to do with his time.

Let’s see what happens. Aren’t we having fun? This is amazing, isn’t it? Is it magical for you too? Because it’s magical for me. Let’s keep going.

No one can waste your time. Only you can waste your time. I’m going to allow you to put in that 5% of the amount of effort that allows you to get 5% of my trust. Then 10%, 15% and so on. That’s how any relationship is built. You don’t start with the trust. You build the trust.

You need two people who actually are willing to construct a castle together. And it takes effort, and it takes investment and it takes two people who really want to do it. And as you build the castle, it becomes more and more beautiful. It becomes more and more yours. The weather starts to erode the stone in beautiful and unique ways that make that castle unlike any other castle in the world. And a castle you can only get by finding a genuine builder. You don’t have a builder, you just have a connection.

The right question is, “Where do I sit right now on his list of priorities?” But there is a difference between liking someone and respecting someone. And when you talk to guys, measure them based on their investment, not based on what you want them to be. The message is so important that it will save people decades of wrong decisions.

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27 Replies to “Unrequited Love is Bullsh*t”

  • Great little video Matt, I think we all know that we shouldn’t invest in a relationship when a guy isn’t investing but I think our reason for doing so runs a bit deeper… We attract what we believe we deserve and we seek out (oftentimes unconsciously) guys who match patterns of behaviour that feel familiar (childhood attachment types etc). It’s complicated & sometimes difficult to start recognising and changing old thought patterns and behaviours. Appreciate the reminder nonetheless, you’re awesome!

  • I do not know how to let go. He reeled me in for the long weekend. Then Tuesday came and we were back to unanswered calls and unanswered but read texts. He wiped me off his shoe again like I was crap

  • I have a boyfriend since past 6 years and now we ate in different cities and he doesn’t talk to me much. He says he loves me, can’t live without me but when i ask him to make time to talk.. he stays busy, and most of our fights are because of this because he says that he cannot stay over on phone to talk to me, and i should not over react on this or get angry, but i am tired now explaining him to communicate, as day is passing it feels like he is getting away. We planned to live together in a different city but whenever I propose something about it, he just gives me him reality check about less money.. and how we cannot do anything about it. He is also depressed of his work but not even trying to improve anything and my parents are forcing me to get married. What should i do, i feel helpless in every situation

  • Matt, thank you for this. I’ve recently gone no contact with a guy who is all over the place. One minute he tells me I could fall in love with, we really connect, you make me feel good to I don’t hear from him, he’s dating other people, etc. my friend told me the other night that she’s exhausted for me with all the jerking around. Thankfully, my girlfriends have very gently, respectfully, have gotten me to see this is not healthy. So thank you for this reaffirmation. I’ve been on 3 dates already, using your techniques from your book and I was treated like the queen that I am. I’m working really hard on creating space and not chasing. Thank you so much!

  • Amen! I think women start running movies in their heads investing to much time thinking about what it will be like with him … yah got to move go do things stop making movies start making moves . I think of it as decluttering your mind … so he is cute and flirty well so are 50 other guys you haven’t met . If he won’t make time and effort then don’t waste your time .

    I love your energy analogy really cool . Going to use that one in my own life…

  • I feel like I’m in an unrequited love relationship with my parents. I want to cut them off, but they’re my parents. Ugh. I wish you had advice for that, Matthew. I have no support system whatsoever, not family, friends nor guy. I’m so alone it hurts.

  • holy f** I need more of this!! I need to wake up from this nightmare I put myself into. I need the strength put myself back together and live with the reality

  • One of your best videos ever! Thank you guys, for putting together this montage of the best one liners from MH. This is what we need to remind us all of the power of the belief in yourself, and whether he is putting out the effort to build the castle with you or if he’s just taking up space in the guest room.

  • Thank you Matt, I needed this. I think in general whether it’s a romantic or friendship relationship, this message is so helpful. We need to respect ourselves, otherwise it digs away at our self esteem.

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