In this week’s video, I’m asked what my “why” is—what motivates me to keep doing what I do. And my answer often comes as a surprise: to help people feel less alone.
It’s my hope that today’s video encourages you and helps you realize that you’re not alone. If we can just make this world a little bit less lonely for each other, we can literally save lives.
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Tanya, what’s your question?
So, I’ve followed you for a lot of years and you’ve evolved your brand and what you do and what you offer, and I love that it’s more encompassing than it was just how to get the guy. What motivates you? What’s your why and what keeps you coming here? And thank you for your time today.
Thank you. Wow, that’s a lovely question to start with. Thank you for saying that. My why is I think that, um, I think we’re incredibly lonely. I think we’re more lonely than we let on. I think we live in a world that poses as a less lonely world than we’ve ever had, that is masking for the most lonely world we’ve ever had, and that concerns me. And I know that when I’m here in this room with you guys, it is exciting to me and nourishing to me and healing to me to be in a room of people, all expressing in some form or another their pain, their vulnerability, who they are, that I get to express my vulnerability, that we get to be in this together because it’s not fucking easy. Life’s not easy. And I just, you know. . .
Anthony Bourdain was one of my heroes and he killed himself. And you look at this and you think, what is happening? What is going on in these moments of pain, these extremes of pain and loneliness and despair that make us rid ourselves of this amazing thing? But it doesn’t always feel amazing. Life doesn’t always feel amazing, life can really suck so badly and it can be terrible. So, I sometimes get a bit bored of the peak performance rhetoric, where everything is all about peak performance, peak performance, peak performance, productivity, productivity, productivity, living life at the highest level. Okay, but you know what? A lot of life is making ourselves feel okay and connected and loved when its feels unbearable, and I just love that we all get to be together and share in that.
And I think it’s deeply sad, there’s something deeply existentially sad about what I do in the sense that we’re looking for a love, a soulmate, whatever you want to call it, and we want that person. We want that person and we want it because we have so much love to give. It’s not just what we want. We have all this energy, this romantic energy that would be fun, would be beautiful to put into someone. It’s like drinking a coffee in the morning and have nothing to do with all of that energy because you know you want to give it to someone. You know you have so much more to give than what you’re giving right now because you have no object to direct it towards, and that can make many of us sad. And especially, as we go through lives and we get older, we start looking at the years that we could be spending with someone, and we’re like, “Why not now?”
But when we share that and when we talk about that and when we voice it and when we come together in a room like this, I just think we feel better about that. We get to feel like, “Oh, I’m not the only great person who’s finding my way here.” Look at all these quality people, look at all these beautiful faces, look at all these accomplished women. Look at all these amazing people, intelligent people that makes me feel less alone. Look how many awesome people are in the same boat. That’s fine. So, let’s talk about it. Let’s be together. That, to me, is more important than any bit of wisdom that I could give is let’s have a place where we can all come and just be that energy together. Because if we can make the world a little bit less lonely for each other, not to be too grandiose, but that saves lives, genuinely saves lives.