This blog is a little off-road compared with the usual love life stuff.
I think it’s important that you continue to know the REAL me through all the craziness that’s happening right now. The me that can get stressed, frustrated, fearful, and have to deal with all the same emotions you do. I’ve said it before, I don’t see this as just some brand, I see it as a community that I love being part of. I come here to connect with you. I don’t always write the articles I think will be most popular, or get the most views. I want them to have heart.
This month as most of you know I’m gearing up for the release of my TV show on NBC. And I’m nervous.
I’m not nervous in the “Oh god I can’t do this” kind of way. More in the sense that it looks like something big is coming and it’s hard to anticipate what that means. In the world I’m in right now, everyone sits you down and tells you about the opportunities that are coming. Everyone tells you about how HUGE you’re going to be. Everyone says what a crazy ride it’s going to be. It’s very ‘LA’.
Here’s the newest trailer for the show:
Crazy isn’t it?
It’s a little strange for me to hear all these things. I tend to have two thoughts.
First, my instinct is to not believe them. Not because I’m pessimistic, but because I don’t tend to get excited about things that haven’t happened, or that are uncertain. I have always had a kind of ‘underdog’ mentality. Over the years I’ve had to fight for credibility, clients, the lifestyle I want, and to be taken seriously (i.e. “Who does this KID think he is?! I’ve been a psycho-analytical-timeline-regression-therapist-NLP-hypnosis-doublebackflip-certified coach for 63 years… what does he know?!”).
Since I’ve had to fight for it, I don’t trust wild claims about things that MIGHT happen. I trust what actually happens.
Second, I actually have a fear of it going well. I’m a pretty private person – and though many don’t believe me when I say this, I’m naturally an introvert. The idea of ‘fame’ is something that scares me. Right now I can go pretty much anywhere and do anything and I’m not going to be recognised (at least not enough to worry about).
Chances are in one month that will no longer be the case.
Right now in your life you may have the same ‘fear of the unknown’. If you do, try to remember what I am trying to remember right now:
That you will work hard to impact the areas you can control, and that most of life is made up of things you can’t.
We feel powerless and afraid when we focus on all of the things that we have no power over. To use a GetTheGuy related example – a woman focused on the fact that she hasn’t met her ideal partner yet – if she focuses on the negative comment she just got from somebody, or the fact that a guy isn’t calling back, she will feel powerless and afraid.
This is a recipe for paralysis.
In my own life, I’m about to receive more hate, more negative comments, and more misinterpretation of my character than I ever have. If I thought I had haters before, it’s going to be 1,000X anything I’ve experienced. If I focus on what they are going to say I will feel powerless and afraid.
I also begin to feel this when I focus on there being more to do before the show airs than can possibly be accomplished.
But in life, 90% of happiness is perspective, not the landscape.
That means we get to choose what we focus on. If the woman in our example above looked at all of the things she could do to influence her situation – go out, meet people, learn how to flirt, build an attractive lifestyle, work on her confidence, bring new friends into her life – she would realise that there are so many exciting things she has power over.
In my life, if I focus on speaking with passion and conviction about the things I know, I become impervious to the haters.
If I look at what I can do in the next three weeks and simply focus on doing that, I will become empowered.
The last step in all of this is acceptance. I can’t do this justice in one article, but acceptance is essential to happiness. If I look at my situation and say “There is so much to do in the next 3 weeks, some of which I can do and a whole lot that is impossible to finish”, I will sleep at night. But as long as I am beating myself up for not being able to do what 10 men couldn’t do, I will feel powerless, afraid, and most of all, worthless.
(You may have realised by now that this article is as much a reminder to myself as it is to you.)
Focus on what you CAN do,
be kind to yourself for doing it…
…then kick back and welcome the unknown.
(Photo credit: Ecstaticist)