The nude pic.
It screams danger territory. You’ve heard the horror stories.
Privacy is an unstable commodity in the age of the internet, which is why you need some clear rules when you decide what naughty pictures to send your boyfriend.
Some women decide that sending nudes just isn’t worth the risk. “I don’t send those”, they’ll say when texting a guy. And that’s fair. No judgment here if you want to play it safe.
But many of us also know that sending the occasional risqué underwear photo can be a fun part of intimacy, and a great way to turn your partner on from afar.
There is a way to tread this minefield, but you need to be smart about it so that you can feel comfortable and secure going forward.
So let’s go through some essential DO’s and DON’Ts for sending nudes the right way:
DON’T – Be pressured into it
Maybe he charms you, then asks for an innocent “underwear pic”. Or he just asks for a sneaky pic of you with your shirt off in a bra. He may even pester you a couple of times.
Remember: It is ALWAYS up to you.
A good man is going to respect you and understand completely if you don’t feel comfortable sending nudes (especially if you don’t know him well enough yet).
Remember, it doesn’t make him a bad guy if he asks, but it does make him a bad guy if he doesn’t respect your answer. Don’t feel that you somehow need to engage in a game of upping the ante just in order to keep him interested.
If he likes you, he’ll chase you whether or not you ping over scantily clad pics to his iPhone.
DO – Make sure not to show your face
If you do enjoy the fun of swapping racey underwear shots, make sure you are protected in case of a CODE RED i.e. your photos get sent to the wrong person, or forwarded by accident on an email – at the very least be safe in the knowledge that they can’t be identified with your face.
Unless you’re a lingerie model on Instagram who is use to having underwear pics broadcast to thousands, you won’t find it so pleasant if you’re kept up at night with thoughts about where it could get shared on the internet. Take your privacy seriously so you don’t have a Jennifer Lawrence moment where you nudes are visible to everyone with access to Google.
DON’T – Go fully nude
Leave something to the imagination!
Deciding what pictures to send your boyfriend or a guy your dating should be a case of less is more. It should be a build up to the main event, not the main event itself.
Show a hint of underwear, or a pic of your chest that will get his heart racing, but avoid the graphic “porno” shots – hold something back for one another to enjoy in the bedroom.
DO – Know that he may show them to his BFFs
This is another reason to be somewhat cautious. Depending on the guy, he may or may not keep that pic of you in your sheer Agent Provocateur lingerie all to himself.
There’s always the chance that over a few beers he’ll let his best friend sneak a peek, even if it’s just to show off. So… be prepared for that. Make peace with it.
And as always, if that’s not a possibility you’re comfortable with, don’t send it! Or at least make 100% sure if you tell him “Don’t show this to anyone”, he’s a man you can trust to not violate that promise.
DON’T – Send them through Facebook…ever
Or any social media platform (Twitter, Instagram, etc.). Just stick to sending them on your phone, and avoid email altogether, since it’s the most likely place where a pic will get awkwardly forwarded to the wrong person, or you’ll accidentally cc. your boss or a work colleague.
Keep it simple, just use the phone and avoid all the pitfalls of uploading it online.
DO – Let him EARN your trust first
Sending nudes, underwear shots, or anything too racey early on in dating makes a guy wonder if you just send those shots to any man who’s vaguely interested.
Funnily enough, a man actually wants to earn your trust before you send him dirty pics.
I know it sounds egotistical, but men want to feel like they are unique in your eyes, not like you just send underwear shots to any man you’re flirting with that night. So it pays to wait until you actually have more emotional connection with this guy before you up the ante with the pics you send (assuming this is a guy you actually want to date more seriously).
DON’T – Send too many
There’s still value in keeping a bit of mystery in dating.
We can get so caught up in texting nowadays, that we forget that we actually need to build a real life connection with someone for the relationship to move forward.
Sending lots of underwear/nude pics, like anything else, gets boring when you send too many. Save it for a cheeky unexpected moment, and use them sparingly so that they get his attention.
DO – Be clear in your communication and decide on your boundaries
I have to re-iterate this: it is always your decision what you send to a guy.
If you don’t want to send nudes, but you’ll send underwear pics, say so and stick to it. If you only send nudes with guys who are your boyfriend, then stick to that rule.
Everyone has their own boundaries and it’s never up to you to bend yours if they make you worried and uncomfortable (especially if you don’t even know the guy well enough to trust him).
So have fun out there, but err on the side of caution and stick to your principles.