Have you ever had a guy see you as just his “buddy,” instead of the kind of woman he wants to date and make his girlfriend?

It may just be that you need to show another side of yourself that you may not be used to showing…

Matthew: “Crystal, are you there?”

Crystal: “Yes I am.”

Matthew: “Hi Crystal. What was your question?”

Crystal: “Well, I’m 28, I’ve had one boyfriend in my life and I’m still single. What is wrong with me?”

Matthew: “What do you think is wrong with you?”

Crystal: “I don’t know. Honestly, I’m not sure.”

Matthew: “Do you go out much Crystal?”

Crystal: “Here’s the thing. If I do go out, that’s not where I’m looking for guys, looking to meet guys. I feel like guys, when you’re out are not looking for the one that they want to spend the rest of their lives with.”

Matthew: “Okay. Out of interest? Are you religious?”

Crystal: “Yes.”

Matthew: “You’re religious? Do you believe in no sex before marriage?”

Crystal: “Yes.”

Matthew: “Okay. That was a good stab in the dark, wasn’t it? Now, how do you deal with sexual tension?”

Crystal: “I don’t think I really ever…”

Matthew: “By the way, just to say Crystal, you have a very sexy voice. I don’t know if anyone’s ever told you that before.”

Crystal: “Oh, stop. See I… I can’t handle it.”

Matthew: “Interesting. I have a very similar conversation with people across the country about this who, because they don’t believe in sex before marriage, they don’t allow themselves to create sexual tension with guys because they think they have to keep that arms length the entire time until they’ve met the one. Now, I want to stress to you a very important distinction right now. There is a difference between desire and intent.”

Crystal: “Oh.”

Matthew: “Desire is expressed when you think a guy is hot. Desire is expressed when you say that he has a sexy way about him. That’s sexual tension, and it’s very different from going to bed with someone. Understanding that distinction is what allows you to attract guys without having to go there if that’s what you don’t want to do right now.

“So when you’re out there interacting with guys right now, I want you to free yourself up a bit. You don’t have to change your beliefs. You don’t have to change your intent about when you want to go to bed with someone, and what conditions need to be in place for you to do that. That’s no one’s business but your own. But when it comes to desire, you should be expressing it.

When it comes to flirting, you should be engaging in that because that is part of being a woman. That is part of being a human being and expressing yourself in a way that feels good. Just as I know, when I said you had a sexy voice, you might have used humor to cover up certain embarrassment, but I also know that part of you enjoyed that, so I want you to also be able to give that to other people.”

Crystal: “Definitely. I think it just helped me to identify it and know that that’s an adjustment that I need to make in my life and it’s okay.”

Matthew: “It’s okay. I’m excited for you, Crystal. I’m excited for you and I think this could be a really exciting journey for you starting today.”