When we’re teenagers, we all dream about the idea of having a “boyfriend” or “girlfriend”.
It just sounds so grown up, so cool, so romantic.
To have someone with whom you share this private world, where you get to share your secrets, go on adventures, and of course, kiss until your lips get sore.
But the problem is, some of us are addicts.
We want romance and closeness so much that we’ll stay with the wrong person for months or years rather than face going back to the single life again.
So let’s look at some signs that will help you identify if you’re lying to yourself, and give you some ways to get out of the cycle of “relationship addiction” when it happens to you…
Why You Don’t Admit The Truth…
Maybe your parents made you believe your self-worth was tied to your ability to have a man want to settle down with you.
Maybe you feel social pressure to be “successful” and part of that means having a boyfriend so you can feel like you’re achieving in all the ways society deems important.
Maybe you just crave a feeling of companionship, or you don’t want to feel like a failure, or you haven’t learnt how to enjoy being single and fear being back in the dating world.
But all of these fears are unfounded. Quitting a bad relationship is never a failure. It’s a smart, practical decision that can save you years of wasted time when you could have been happier with someone else.
So how do you know if you’re lying to yourself and it’s time to move on?
Let’s look at the best way to find out…
5 Questions To Know When You’re Lying About Your Relationship…
Obviously, when it’s you who’s doing the lying, it can be a little difficult to spot self-deception.
Which is why the best way to tell if you’re lying to yourself through a diagnostic approach of asking yourself a few key questions.
Think through the following questions carefully. If you can honestly say “yes” to at least three of them, chances are you are lying to yourself about the future of this relationship, and you’re attempting to make something work that is already toxic or broken:
Do you keep having to “convince” yourself that his flaws aren’t so bad?
He’s self-centered? Needy? Unromantic? If you can’t stop focusing on the negative parts of his character, chances are it’s because these spell out BIG problems for you that you can’t get over in your mind.
Do your most trusted friends express doubts about him consistently?
Not every friend should be listened to when it comes to romance, but if all your closest pals are worried about this guy, it’s worth stopping to think about why that is.
Do you find yourself blocking out thoughts of the relationship and its future because it stresses you out?
Trying to distract yourself and avoid thinking about something is the first sign you should really pay attention to it.
Do you have to keep reminding yourself of what works about you and this guy together?
If you don’t immediately know what works about you and you have to think too hard about it, that’s already symbolic that the relationship is on shakey ground.
Do you feel like it’s hard work whenever you disagree, discuss the future, or spend a lot of time together?
Relationships are work, but they shouldn’t be hard work ALL the time. If you always fall into disagreements or arguments over the simplest things, then you need to ask yourself why that is and whether these problems are worth fixing if they’re so fundamental.
As is often true of relationships, there isn’t a one-size-fits-all formula here.
You need to study the above questions carefully and be REALLY honest with yourself.
If you find yourself quietly nodding along to three or more of them, then you know that this relationship is on life support and you need to have an honest conversation about it with your partner.
Remember: time is the most precious resource we all have. The less of it we spend with the wrong person, the more space we have to let in the right one.