5 Qualities Guys Look For

Whenever people talk about what men want in a woman, they like to resort to the obvious:

Men only care about looks. 

Men want sex, food, and a woman who will bends to their will. 

Blah blah blah.

Most of these people are either talking from bitterness, denial, or who have no clue about what drives human behaviour at a deep level.

Yes, short-term qualities can get attention. But deep connection and lasting attraction? For a man with any kind of soul at all, it demands a lot more.Instead of going for the obvious, let’s look at 5 overlooked qualities that really make you the woman he brags to his friends about:

1. Admiration

Not admiration for what he has, but for who he is.

Men have a deep need to feel admired. It’s what they work for in their jobs, it’s why they try to impress women, it’s why they do stupid things to get attention.

When a guy is dating a potential girlfriend, he’s asking himself: “Does she really see my best qualities and truly appreciate them?” – if you’re the one who notices these aspects of his personality and compliments them, you’re much more likely to be in the camp of someone he could be with long-term.

2. Being easy to be around 

woman showing man her phone over coffee

Complaining. Being easily bored. High-maintenance behaviour and needing to be entertained.

All of these things make it less likely a guy will see a woman as anything serious. What men like in women is the quality of bringing a fun, relaxed energy to the table that doesn’t add stress to his world.

Yes, you can discuss serious things, and he’ll be there when you need him, but too much emotional burdening is destructive to a relationship in the long-term.

If he feels like it’s seriously hard work keeping you happy, he’ll soon check out and look for someone who brings more good emotions to the table.

3. A woman with multiple dimensions

Ever seen someone who was intelligent, but that’s all they were? Or someone who is sporty, but seems to have no other interests?

Men, like women, are looking for someone who they can imagine themselves doing lots of different things with: relaxed afternoons cooking and watching movies, being active, travelling, as well as being passionate and comfortable with her sexuality.

It doesn’t mean you have to be everything, it just means that variety matters. What guys like in a girl is feeling like she has many sides to explore.

4. A woman who inspires him to be better

couple running together in woods

Every man subconsciously wants some challenge to keep him interested.

No, this doesn’t mean belittling him or making him feel not good enough.

It just means he wants to feel inspired to reach higher. Maybe it’s just by showing him you believe in his ambitions. Or it’s by showing you have high standards yourself and expect other people in your life to do the same.

Inspire his best self, and he’ll see you as the woman who bring the best out of him.

5. Respect

This may be most important of all.

Without respect, your future with a guy is going nowhere. If a man starts to feel like you don’t truly value what he brings to the table, or that you see other men as superior to him, his attraction will blow out immediately like candles on a birthday cake.

Of course, it’s important a guy shows YOU the same respect, but if you want a great guy in your life, make sure you show him that you take him seriously and value who he is. He’ll love you for it more than you know.

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12 Replies to “5 Qualities Guys Look For”

  • I thought this article was excellent.It gave me a lot to think about and also gave me encouragement to keep striving for a great relationship with my man.Thank you Matthew.

  • I’m a woman and this is what I want most too. Women need these things too…somehow men don’t get this. I want connection and sharing feelings but no relationship for me can even begin without admiration, respect, that fun relaxed energy and some challenge and a multidimensional personality. These needs are very very deep. I want to be admired for my looks and intellect. I am and I want to be seen as multidimensional though most people and esp. guys will stereotype (bookish or sexy but not both). I especially like guys who are multidimensional. Respect is all important too but I see guys dismissing my opinions, talking over me, completely missing my achievements…. Who doesn’t want fun relaxed guy? Women like a challenge too…hence the Nice Guy problem.

  • Having read this article I keep thinking: sometimes men are not as different from Women as everyone says. Are Women not looking for the same qualities in a man…?

  • This is exactly what I look for in a man myself, I think a relationship needs these 5 things as foundation. It’s very important. However, it doesn’t seem easy to find someone who is comfortable with some of these aspects or with a woman being independent, successful and intelligent.

  • If this is true then how come the guy I dated valued his ex-wife more than me. I possess all of this qualities but she didn’t. She was a narcissist who repeatedly cheated on him, abused him and had no respect for him whatsoever. I treated him like a king because I loved him immensely but he still values his wife more than me.

  • This article should be titled “5 Qualities To Look For In Each Other”. Agree with Veronica. This article is great, but it goes both ways. These are some important traits I look for in a man and strive to have/be myself.

  • What if having all of those makes him so much into you while you feel like he is not the right person… how to brake up with this kind of man knowing that He might get angry ! ???

  • Thank you sooooo much, Matthew, for validating that high value women (like myself) are indeed highly valued by men, but only the RIGHT men.

    My question is, “how to do assure a guy that is used to girls falling all over him and using him for his wealth that you are NOT that girl?”

    I am pretty sure that I am the first woman to challenge him and I think he doesn’t know what to do, so he has pulled away. I know that he loves me, but I truly believe he is scared of me or us.

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