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How To Make The First Move

couple at a bar

It’s a question that has plagued women forever: Can I make the first move on a guy?

There are many reasons why a woman can feel uncomfortable doing this. She might get rejected. She’s been told by society it’s her “role” to wait for the man to approach. She doesn’t know what to say.

So to make this much easier, let’s look at three scenarios that show how to make the first move as a woman but without putting yourself on the line.

1. Initiating the first conversation 

woman holding onto man from behind

Maybe you feel like your seduction method of choice is to linger at the bar and throw a few cheeky eye glances his way until he strides up and approaches you.

Well…that’s one way to do it.

But waiting for him to come over leaves you powerless. It means you’re relying a lot on the man to read your signals and make his way to you from across the room.

So if YOU want to take back power and initiate a conversation, these are the two essential methods to do it:

  • Curiosity

Curiosity might have killed the cat, but it’s also marked the beginning of a good few romances, so it can’t be all bad.

When you come from a mindset of just being a curious person, it’s so much easier to initiate conversations. You’re just asking because you’re interested, not because you have an agenda.

Making the first move here could be as simple as saying: “Have you ever had any of the cocktails here? What do you like best?” or if you’re in a new town just say, “Do you know anywhere that does great breakfast around here? I’m kind of new to the area…”.

If you’re at a mutual friends party, you could also say, “I don’t think I’ve met you before, how do you know (X)?”

Use curiosity and you can initiate with any cute guy and still make it just feel like a casual conversation. All you’ve done is given him permission to keep going and let him notice you. Then you can wait and see if he makes an effort to ask more questions.

  • Asking a favour

Men are biologically hard-wired to come to a woman’s aid. We can’t help it.

If a woman drops something in the street, a man will feel like a superhero getting to run after her and save the day by returning her property.

Luckily, in 2017, you can harness this masculine evolutionary behavior to your advantage.

Just ask a really quick, easy favour like: “Hey, I could really use your help. Do you know any vegan places around here?”, or at the gym you could ask, “Do you know how to use this machine?”.

Most guys (even if they don’t know how), will do everything they can in that moment to come to your rescue, with the added bonus that he now has permission to introduce himself and get to know you better. Try it and watch how easy it is to get talking to guys.

2. Getting a kiss

man and woman leaning in for a kiss

Do you have to wait for a guy to kiss you?

Many women think yes. But here’s the thing: Even if that’s a “rule” of yours, you can still do a hell of a lot to encourage him to go for it.

So if you want to know how to make the first move here, just follow these simple steps:

Step 1 – Make repeated deep eye contact

Step 2 – Lightly let your hand touch his, or make some form of physical contact that puts you closer to him.

Step 3 – If all else fails, kiss him on the cheek, then make strong eye contact again and gently pull him closer.

This is the easiest method possible for making a guy feel like he can close the deal and kiss you.

A lot of the time, a man is carefully looking for body language cues on a date that you want to be kissed, so don’t be afraid to make it a bit obvious for guys who are slow on the uptake. 

3. Asking a guy out

woman smiling at phone

Now, this is a tricky one, because a guy who likes you will often be fairly quick to ask you out.

This makes many women feel the least comfortable in making the first move when it comes to scheduling a date.

The best way to suggest a date to a guy if you want to push things forward is just to say, “I’m thinking of going to (X) this weekend if you fancy joining.”

Or suppose in the middle of conversation you both talk about a new sushi place you really want to try. You can just say: “You have to tell me when you’re going. I’m dying to go there!”

This puts the idea in his head that he can ask you along and you’ll say yes, which makes it far easier for him to suggest the date.

Of course, if you’re confident enough about it, just say to him: “Want to come to that gallery we were talking about this Saturday?”

If you’ve been getting the right vibes from a guy, he’ll be delighted that you took the pressure off and asked him out.

It’s all about not making a big deal about it – just make sure that he puts in the effort as well so it’s not you doing all the work every time you meet!

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4 Replies to “How To Make The First Move”

  • Hey Matt!
    I have a few questions for you:
    1) what is your stance on the impacts social media has on a relationship?
    2) If one spouse receives messages from multiple exes, but that spouse is completely and totally honest with their partner about the situation by letting them read all the messages and being transparent about it all. And they respond to the ex by telling them they are uninterested and in a wonderful relationship, would it be healthy or appropriate for the partner to demand that their spouse deactivate all their social media?
    3) The guy I am dating tends to come across as really strict and sometimes a bit of an authoritarian. A lot of our issues seem to crop up because I tend to be more relaxed while he tends to be more black and white. This probably has a lot to do with our different upbringings. Do you have any nuggets of advice to help me out?

  • “If you’ve been getting the right vibes from a guy, he’ll be delighted that you took the pressure off and asked him out.

    It’s all about not making a big deal about it – just make sure that he puts in the effort as well so it’s not you doing all the work every time you meet!”

    Hi! Can you elaborate on this? I have a guy a work with and we are flirting with eachother. So i’m getting vibes and he always comes “back” with more action (helping me, showing up early Before meetings to see me etc)but he has’ent asked me out yet. I Think of him like he is, not shy, but careful if you know what i mean. So i don’t Think he will ask me out unless i make it clear to him that it’s ok and he won’t be rejected. Is this “taking pressure off and asking him out”.I don’t want to come off needy or like i’m doing “his part”.

    Can you please help me!
    29 yrs from Sweden.

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