He’s “Not Sure” He Can Commit to You? These Words Put YOU in Control

“I’m not sure if I’m ready for a relationship with you right now…”

Nobody wants to hear these words, especially when it’s coming from a guy you genuinely like.

If that sounds familiar, then I have the simple solution right here:

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I want to talk about some words that men say to women that women do not look forward to.

I’m not sure if I am ready for a relationship.

I’m assuming that you’re watching this because this is a guy that you do actually care about. That despite saying he’s not really ready for a relationship or that he’s not sure, is not necessarily a bad guy but just a guy who is confused and a guy that despite his confusion, you still either like or love and both want the best for and want the best possible shot at being with.

So with that in mind, here’s what you can say.

It seems like you need to go away and figure out what you want and be on your own for a while. I want your happiness more than anything in the world. I just want you to be happy.

So I feel like you need to go and be alone in order to figure out what you want and I hope that I’m still here when you’re ready. But until then, I know that I need someone who is completely in because I wouldn’t want to be with someone who isn’t 100% about wanting to be with me.

Here’s what I love about you saying all of this. He’s not sure what he wants and trying to make him more sure about you isn’t going to make him more sure. All it’s going to do is make him feel like he’s being sold on something. Instead you saying, “I think you’re right. You need to go away and figure out what you want and you need to be alone to do that,” he’s now scared because he’s like, now I have to go and be on my own and maybe I don’t want to do that and since she’s making it okay for me to go and be on my own and figure myself out, it doesn’t even seem as attractive anyway. It’s not like I have anything to rebel against because she’s telling me to go and do it.

Then when you couple that with saying, “I want you to do that because I care about your happiness. Your happiness means the world to me,” it comes from such a loving and sweet and pure place. It’s not like you’re just trying to manipulate him. You really want him to go and find out what he wants because the last thing that you want is for him to be unhappy in this situation.

So he now sees this unbelievably loving woman in front of him that he’s about to lose. Then when you say, “I hope I’m still here, when you’re ready.” That notion is introducing that seed of doubt like you’re leaving now and I’m encouraging you to do it because I want you to be happy, but you’re also showing that it may not happen. There is that chance that he may not get everything that he wants at the end of the day by doing this.

Then lastly, when you say to him, “I want someone who is 100% in with me. I want someone who really knows what they want. That’s what I deserve.” That’s when you show your value. That’s when you show you respect yourself. That’s when you show you love yourself and that’s why you couldn’t accept anything less than someone who is sure about you. This whole response is loving. It’s kind, but it’s also strong and it shows him that you’re someone that he truly is going to be losing out on in a big way in his life.

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21 Replies to “He’s “Not Sure” He Can Commit to You? These Words Put YOU in Control”

  • That is a great response. But what happens when they keep coming back. They don’t want to be with you but they keep talking to you and telling you how great you are.

  • You were so right. I used this technique that you put out there and you know what he didn’t come back. But I’m that time. I felt and still do feelings for him . Also. I found out he was a player. This man has me questioning me as a women. I’m so hurt and broken and I’m so sick of crying.

  • I love these readings. Sometimes I smile so much as I read because it’s so befitting. It’s as if you definitely know what I’m going through at the moment of reading the email. Its so helpful! Thank you so much.

  • Hello,
    I am just in such a situation. But a little different. I have obsessive thinking in between choice of two guys. One who was deceived and left me and the new one who I have respect for because if he wasn’t there for me my first loved one would never come back to me. Please give me advice. I am just crying and thinking what to do.

  • Hi Matthew,

    Thanks for this vedio and I wanna tell you I actually did that a month back. And I am really happy to see this vedio which makes me more happy and more confident about myself.

  • Thank you Matthew. This is exactly what I said to the man who is still not sure he wants to be with me. I just want him to be happy, even if it’s not with me. I’m not sure what will happen but I finally had to stop the merry-go-round

  • I love the video on
    He’s not sure he wants to commit
    Such great information on how to stand for yourself &
    And set up and lay out clear boundaries.

  • Great video, as always, Matt! I feel like I am actually the guy in the video, who doesn’t know what she wants; my boyfriend recently said about the same thing to me as you advise a girl to say here. Do you have any content for what to do when you personally are just not sure if someone is right for you? Tips for how to discern what to do when you do love someone, but aren’t sure if it’s marriage material or not?

  • Thank you for affirming what I’m going to be telling someone I care about alot. I’m 59 and he’s 54. He’s into realising his fantasy of having 2 women and I don’t share. I’ve always left him know his happiness is important to me but sharing him donrlt an option. Thanks for just the right words. I rally appreciate this . Lauura

  • This is so helpful to me .am in love with someone who isn’t ready to accept me,so this I believe will change his mind. Thanks so much.

  • I think he’s isn’t confused. I think he just knows that you aren’t the one, but you’ll do until the right one comes along, so, I’d say to Mr. I’m Not Ready, “Sorry to hear that, I wish you all the best, have a nice life.” Because in my experience, men never have a problem making a commitment if they are truly into the person with whom the are dating.

  • Great video Matt. Unfortunately I’ve only just seen this and the conversation was a week ago. He said he wasn’t ready for a relationship and didn’t want to be exclusive just yet but still wanted to date me. My response was a bit weak although I did say I don’t casually date men. (I’ve read your book but he took me by complete surprise) Neither of us has made contact since and I’m not sure if I can reach out to him so I can actually say this to him from a stronger position? We’d only been dating about 6 weeks but it was intense and he seemed keen. Hoping you will respond, thank you

    1. Hi, Emma! Thanks for reaching out to us. Due to Matt’s busy schedule of live events, media appearances, and creating videos and programs for Get the Guy, he just isn’t able to offer personal coaching anymore. I can, however, direct you to one of his programs called ‘Get Him Running Back to You’. This completely done-for-you, 5-step program takes all of the guesswork out of getting your ex back. You’ll get an easy-to-follow plan including copy-and-paste scripts of exactly what to say over social media, text, and phone. Matthew also teaches you how to flip the script so your ex feels like he’s WINNING you back, not the other way around. And the best part is that all these techniques he teaches you will keep the spark alive! I hope this helps! Have an amazing day! – Sara MH Team

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