If you’ve ever been ghosted, you know how brutal it feels. It’s like the floor suddenly dropped out from under you. But here’s the truth: Ghosting isn’t about you—it’s usually about the other person’s immaturity or inability to have a hard conversation.
In this video, I’ll explain why people ghost in modern dating, and show you how to stop getting stuck on people who flake and disappear, so you focus on people who truly value you. Life is too short to waste on people who don’t show up.
The concept that this is just a behavior of the ghosting person is really helping to change the perspective. I do experience ghosting a lot recently and I was thinking that I’m unconsciously attracting these kind of men. Instead of blaming myself I need to treat ghosting like a big red flag. That person is simply not for me as I do not accept ghosting behavior. Period.
Just what I needed to hear. Thanks!
Thanks Matthew, I’m in the midst of much of what you’ve said. Thank you for verbalizing it so eloquently.
10 years of intensity then his pull back intermittently through the years- any time his life became difficult/ challenging.. I notice, looking back, a pattern of his life having “large challenges” every few months that then he would pull away from me saying he needed to focus on those issues. It left me feeling sad and alone and year after year, when he would return, I notice a part of me would become less vocal and hesitant to feel, or express my feelings for fear he would pull away, that I would become another difficulty for him. As such, now he says the has “ a lot going on, and I need some space at this time”. And I’m at the point where I just said “ok”. No more. I don’t want to extend a hand any longer, or check in. I’m emotionally drained. I feel like he creates these problems, and chooses to not to share his full life with me. In taking your courses, I’ve started to find my voice again, and recognize that he does not have the qualities I really require in a man today. All this resonates and helps me put the pieces together. I’ll be in the 30 day confidence course
You are so brilliant , kind and insightful . I’ve been ghosted the last several months by my boyfriend of 5 years ( a “ grown-ass man who is 67! ). It has been painful and traumatic and the grieving process has been intense . But , I’m healing and your wisdom is heaven sent !
This is information I deeply needed. I was recently ghosted in a 25 year friendship, and ghosted repeatedly by another person who’s up close to me. All the feelings & meanings you list, completely accurate. Deeply disorienting and yes, has had me questioning my ability to judge character and my self-worth. Blindsided. I stopped meeting their needs, it seems, which deemed me disposable. Quite heartbreaking. I’m still processing it and greiving.
I have a brother who seems very malignant. Gave his fiance HPV which upset her and bragged about his money to indirectly lock her into marrying him. She left him. This same brother has ghosted me. After a decade, and now hearing,”Come to terms with with exactly who they really are by ghosting you this way,” really applies here. I’v been thinking about texting him but I know it’ll be his opportunity to practice a power trip by not texting back. Not about dating but I saw this as relevant about every relationship.
I have a little different ghosting experience. An ex (who I had broken up with last year as I realized that even as good a man as he was, our values and politics were not compatible) who got back in touch with me during the CA fires (where I lived) in January and he was my champion during that time and helped when I decided to move back to his town coincidentally (not because of him but because having lived here before I had a built in community). He was my cheerleader in selling my house snd buying the new one. His love language is service so as much as I thought maybe he’s pitching me I also thought this is just his way of supporting me. Once I got here he rolled out the red carpet and then when he asked me out to event with his friends whom I like, I had to decline but asked if we could find another day to get together. Then crickets. My response was relief as I knew we’d not be partners again and this would be a way he would feel in control and I’d be off the hook. But (sorry to make this so long.) turns out we both felt the other ghosted us! I am aware of my conflict avoidance issues which are difficult for me and plan to have a heart to heart with him despite not seeing a future.
This is rich. One of your devotees did this to me. You’re describing a narcissist.
You mean you got in touch with a member of the Love Life Club and she ghosted you?
I also met several men with narcissistic traits, and they were all prone to ghost people.
I have been estranged by my young adult sons due to a horrible divorce for three years. I had fantastic bonds with both boys however they started ghosting me just before the divorce process started and it’s never stopped.
Meanwhile my new partner of nearly three years ghosted me three weeks ago. He asked for space – time to reflect. I gave him that space and now I have no idea where we are because I’m fearful of reaching out to him to ask.
Your thoughts on behavioural traits re ghosting really hit me as did the point on standards, their needs being met etc…all of what you said rings true especially when I think about my ex husband’s isolating and controlling behaviour towards me!
I wish I had come across you four years ago!!!!
Thank you for sharing your wisdom.
Such a relevant video and very level headed as always!
For me, I see ghosting as an inability to communicate and behave respectfully and maturely. It’s actually embarrassing for the ghoster! I lose respect for a man if he makes excuses not to see me towards the end of having dated which is a way of trying to end things without saying it (people need to grit their teeth and just communicate it!) and I have been ghosted once which I found creepy and wierd. It’s also scary to think I could see a potential future with a guy who was capable of ghosting.
I’ve also been on the other end, when I needed to finish it and it was very awkward and the guy then wanted to meet up, but that gave me the opportunity to be very clear. It’s so awkward but I learnt that instead of making an excuse, next time I’d be more direct and say I’m sorry but I don’t see it going anywhere and therefore don’t see a reason to keep pursuing it.
I was in a relationship for 20 years, unfortunately he died and so this new dating landscape has been a real eye opener. I’ve been ghosted so many times I can’t count. When first on apps I found it so hurtful; really impacted my self esteem, couldn’t understand what was wrong with me. Now I take it in my stride, I realise it’s not me. It’s a lack of maturity and courage in others and sometimes it just happens naturally between both parties. Where it has really hurt me is when I’ve been in a relationship with somebody. Then it hurts but as Matthew said, I’ve reflected back and realised there were probably signs I didn’t see or just ignored! It’s hard out there and I’m having to work hard to maintain my sense of self worth. My expectations now are low (and that is a bit sad really). I’m working on retaining some hope of finding a partner, its hard! Not really mastered an approach yet!
This was a great video on ghosting. And for me, I’m thankful for the ghosting from a person that shared a life contract with me because to me it showed me this: Not only is there no dignity in the act of ghosting, it shows no dignity in the person, low or no moral standards, low vibrational energy and negativity, immaturity and proof that actions speak louder than words. People who do that to another person know you deserve more and better than they are and in their low self esteem and lack of self respect and awareness. It’s easier for them to ghost, ice, leave, hurt, disrespect and abandon you than to grow up, act in a responsible and respectful manner and tell you what their real intentions are. That’s not a person you can build with and they showed you who and what they are so help them show their way out of your mind and life!! The digital society proliferates this behavior.
I was seeing someone for some months and we had discussed how horrible ghosting was, and he even claimed he didn’t even know what it means so we promised each other no ghosting, no matter what, numerous times during our time together and in the end he ghosted me…that revealed who he was of course instantly, but what was really sad was that he also cancelled our entire time together as a total and complete lie, because if he lied about something like that, who knows what else he lied about….
Mathew thank you for this video, please include ghosting topic on the 30 days challenges, you cant imagine how ghosting from men KILL the confidence and keep you question worth and why you are living on this life.
Miraym
Matthew
Thank you for speaking about ghosting. I truly found a pearl of wisdom regarding confidence and balance in your reference to the characters in Hamilton.
We must maintain our ability to take calculated risks to continue living life to its fullest. It might feel easier to give up but that doesn’t serve us well in the long run.
I was with someone for nearly 6 years. When I was paralysed from my 1st stroke, he was great. Drove 12 hours in 1 day to pick me up from 1 hospital to transfer me to one nearer home. It was in spring when I was released from hospital. We went on holiday in August 2023 and everything was fine between us but I had started limping. I last saw him in September, 2023. He rang to say he had mental and physical health issues and stopped his regular contact. I was diagnosed with a 2nd stroke in mid-December. He brought me some things but wasn’t allowed to see me because there was COVID on the ward. He ghosted me for months, not answering my calls or messages. He wished me Happy Birthday in June,2024 and I noticed his Whatsapp profile photo was different. It showed a romantic sunset with a bottle of wine, 2 glasses and a meal for 2. He’d found someone else but hadn’t had the courage to finish our relationship first whilst I was seriously ill. I was in hospital for nearly a year and certified as being 100% disabled. I can’t walk without a frame around my flat and use a wheelchair to go round town. What’s worse is that my 23 year old son has ghosted me since Xmas 2024, too!
Thank you for sharing this video and your insight into this issue. I’ve recently been ghosted by someone who I truly loved and had a long history with. It has been extremely destabilizing to say the least, as well as confusing and heartbreaking. I’ve asked myself those same questions of “ what did I do wrong?” “ what more could I have done?” And it’s a struggle I deal with daily. Your video has opened my eyes to the fact that what the other person did and how they behave has nothing to do with me or my worth, and everything to do with what they lack in their inability to have a tough conversation. I think sometimes when we go through something as traumatic as this we tend to look at ourselves as the one to blame instead of looking at the others persons behavior as their own, apart from us. I know this will be a tough road, but I want to thank you for shedding some light on this subject and giving people a voice, and understanding to the hardships that come with being ghosted.
I like this post!