Why does it feel so hard to find someone who will actually commit? These days, it’s easy to get caught up in someone’s curated image: their Instagram-perfect life, charm, and seemingly deep qualities. But having great qualities doesn’t automatically make someone a great partner. And that’s where we often get stuck.
In this week’s new video, I break down why we idealize people based on what they project, and how it distracts us from seeing what really matters. I also share the subtle signs to look for in someone who’s truly capable of long-term commitment.
(Also: This is your last chance to watch my final free event of the year and discover the one crucial step to reclaim the power in your love life—fast! Visit lovelifereset.com today.)
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Over the years, I’ve realized something about people and how they show kindness. At first, I didn’t notice it, but gradually it became clear: sometimes people use their “caring” quality not just to help, but also to show off, to look good in front of others.
For example, my friend often gave me advice over the phone. Her husband would be very impressed, thinking she was so kind for helping me. My sister has done something similar too, explaining things to me, but in a way that also won admiration from her husband for being compassionate.
I noticed the same pattern with a man I spoke to recently. I couldn’t take things further with him because of our professional connection, and I didn’t want to risk either of our reputations. Later, I saw that he had moved on with someone else. He’s professionally strong and attractive as a partner, so it made sense. But when I looked back, I realized that when he showed “sensitivity” toward me, especially because I’m a single parent and have my share of struggles, it wasn’t always just for me. Sometimes, it felt like he was doing it to be seen as caring, to gain admiration from the person around him.
What I’ve come to understand is that people can have dual motives. They may genuinely care, but at the same time, they enjoy being perceived as kind or sensitive — especially in front of their partners. The tricky part is when the performative side overshadows the genuine intention. It can feel unsettling to see that the care wasn’t purely for you, but also a performance.
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