On dating apps, first impressions matter. And it’s often the next step that’s the hardest . . . That is, of course: What on EARTH do you say to them?!

In today’s video, I’m going to share with you 3 openers you can send right away to stand out on a dating app.

Let me know your thoughts in the comments; I’ll be reading them.

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What’s up everybody. I just finished a session for my Love Life Club members. While we were here and we had the flip chart and this call set up, we wanted to make a video for you. So I wanted to do a video that got back to basics today by giving you three practical first messages you can send to get someone’s attention on a dating app. So let’s say you’ve just come across someone you find really attractive. You want to stand out amidst a sea of people. What do you send?

Here are three specific messages. One of them shows your commonality with someone. One of them works because it creates a sense of challenge. The last one works because it shows you to have a sense of humor. For each of these I’m going to give you a very specific message you send. Before I go into them, at the end of this video I’m going to give you a key mindset for confidence that’s going to give you the bravery to send these and make a move in the first place. So don’t just leave once I’ve given you the three messages. Stay till the end and make sure you get that too. It’s all about knowing what to do and then having the psychology and the mindset to actually do it. Also, don’t forget to like the video, subscribe to the channel and hit the notification bell, which we would all really, really appreciate.

Number one, commonality. Here’s what you send for this message. I don’t know what it says about me that my favorite picture is number three. Now the reason that this is fun is because you can literally choose the picture of him that isn’t him taking himself seriously. You know what it’s like on dating apps. A lot of people put pictures of themselves that take themselves extraordinarily seriously, but then they might have a fun picture, a picture of them in fancy dress, a picture of them doing something quirky. If you can show that that picture was the one that got your attention, then it shows a sense of you are silly, but I’m also silly.

Number two, the challenge message. Here’s what you say in this message. “No idea if we’d get along, but your Jurassic Park t-shirt is a step in the right direction.” You could put a little wink emoji. Now, of course, the part of this message that is changeable is “Jurassic Park t-shirt.” That’s obviously a very specific reference. Don’t just go looking for people on dating apps that are wearing Jurassic Park t-shirts. You can put in there whatever you want. But what you say is “No idea if we’d get along…” Now that’s the challenge part, because what you’re really saying is that even though there’s something you’ve seen that you like about this person, you still don’t know if you’d get along. That’s to be seen, but you say “No idea if we’d get along, but your Jurassic Park t-shirt is a step in the right direction. Wink.”

Number three, the light humor message. Now let’s say, again to get specific as an example, but this is interchangeable depending on what you see in their profile. Let’s say they have a picture of themselves in Italy. They’re in front of the Trevi fountain? Have I got that right? The Leaning Tower of Pisa? They’re in front of one of those places. They’re in Rome. They’re in Florence. They’re in Tuscany. There’s somewhere that shows they’re in Italy. You say just looking at your profile makes me want pasta. That’s fun. It shows you have a sense of humor and it can change depending on what they’re doing.

So you could say, for example, thanks to you I’m now looking at flights to Asia because they showed lots of pictures of traveling Asia in their profile. Or you could even make this more playful by saying, how is it I’m already annoyed at you for making my travel FOMO worse. If they’ve got lots of travel pictures, of course, but you could do that about anything. But the idea of saying how is it I’m already annoyed at you, there’s something playful about that. There’s something fun about that.

Jameson, no doubt there’ll be someone in the comments who says you can’t say that on a first message that you’re annoyed at someone. That’s just really bad. Those people don’t know how to flirt. All right. Now I told you in this video, I would also give you a key mindset that you need to make these three messages work. Or in fact, in any situation where you find yourself out and about. It doesn’t have to be on a dating app. You could find yourself in a coffee shop. You could find yourself at a club that you belong to, in a social event and wanting to make a move.

What’s a key mindset that will help you make that move? I want you to imagine that two forces could drive you. One is intention. The other is ego. Now if ego is driving you, you’ll be so afraid to make a move that you just won’t do it because ego does not want you to get rejected. We sometimes think that we don’t want to be rejected because we’re insecure, because we just don’t feel good enough. So we’re really afraid of being rejected, but ego can work the other way too. It can be that we’ve built up these walls in our life. We’ve built up this identity based on the things that we’ve achieved, the things that we do well, the friendships we have, the life we have. We’ve kind of built up a sense of importance, a security in look what I’ve achieved. Look at my status. Look at my popularity. Look, I’m a person who’s great.

If you are focused on that identity you’ve created for yourself, then it actually makes you afraid to take risks because any risk, anything that can create rejection threatens that identity. That’s the last thing you want because you’ve built up that identity to overcome your insecurity in the first place. You don’t want to go back there. Ego can stop us from taking any risk that could threaten our identity because our confidence is based on that identity.

Now, what we can do instead is say I’m going to be led by my intentions, not my ego. My ego is always going to try to protect my identity, but what’s more important to me is that my entire life all I’ve ever really wanted is to find real love. Real love is someone who sees me, really gets me. Someone who accepts me for everything that they see and someone who decides that they want me having seen all of that. That is going to be the great love of my life. It’s not going to be just some infatuation or some roller coaster of attraction. It’s going to be someone. Yes, I want to have the chemistry. I want to have the attraction. But ultimately the person that is right for me is going to be the person that sees me, accepts me and wants me for all that they see. That intention is so pure and so beautiful, and that intention doesn’t mind if someone rejects me. It doesn’t mind if I try, I go on a date with someone, if I send someone a message and they don’t respond, or they don’t like me.

It doesn’t mind because this intention is not about worrying about the person who doesn’t see me, accept me and love me. It’s all about finding the person who does. So by definition, the person who rejects me isn’t important to my intentions. The person whose most important to me is the person who actually wants me. The person who doesn’t want me is really important to my ego. Not important at all to my purest intention of finding that extraordinary love.

Now that you’ve got the mindset, now that you’ve got the messages, you may be wondering, what do you do after that? Well, I have a free training for you that’s a video training to follow straight on from this one over at WhatToTextNext.com. It’s completely free. It’s more great content. If you like this video, you’ll love that. It’s just as specific and just as practical. Go over there now. WhatToTextNext.com. I will see you there. Thank you for watching.