When you’re dating a guy, you’re going to get frustrated with him sometimes. It’s inevitable.
What you DO have control over is how you respond.
And this is important, because how you choose to voice your frustrations can mean the difference between inspiring him to change his behavior, and ticking him off and making him leave.
In this week’s video, I share my simple 2-step plan to let your guy know you’re upset in a way that will actually improve your relationship…
Love you and Jamieson! I’m going to try your advice this weekend!
Sod my man, I’m just going to have Matthew instead…! ;)
Love the advice, makes perfect sense and will employ it with my guy, children and nursing colleagues.
You are correct in what you say. I was told to put it in a sandwich ie say something positive, then the negative and finish with a positive
That was an awesome gem of wisdom. How i wished if m Boss just learnt this trick!!! ;) loved it matt….very useful information…i have learnt something sweet that i can apply anywhere in life- esp when u feel like kicking them off ehhehhe! well done and Thaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaanksssssssss Matt. loved the last part of vedio !
It was Jameson! Naughty Matt…..
But I am with you on this one. Fan first-Feelings second- Fun last!
x
Matt, you Know I just love you, I’m a big fan, but Im also frustrated, that you’re not part of my life. I just.. Have this urge to drink some tea with you!! You are truly one of the best. Big big big big hug ☺️☺️☺️
Tamar
ask Santa Claus to bring him to you in a present for Christmas, better way.
What can you do if you already made the person feel really horrible for their mistakes and they distance themselves from you and you two dont talk anymore?Is there a way to recover from that?Is there a way to kind of reverse the damage?
Is that sort of a metaphor? Cause if it’s not, I’m sure you’ve picked the wrong page.
One suggestion would be to not use the word “but”, as everything else you said before is negated by using that word. “I love you, but you are annoying me” leads to the person just hearing that they are annoying. If you use the word “AND”, it keeps both parts of the statement positive.
For example, “You know that I love you, right? I know how much work you’ve been doing to improve xxx (behaviour)…AND it seems as though the improvement has stalled a bit. Is there something I can do to help you, or remind you about doing xxx instead of xxx? I know you are trying, and the last thing I want is for my frustration about xxx to come out in a way that isn’t going to help.
Just a thought.
Love your blog Matthew. I am happily married and in July we will be celebrating our 25th anniversary. I came across your website during an exceptionally rough period in our relationship nearly two years ago, and though a lot of information didn’t apply, there were several things that did. Now I stay subscribed because it helps me understand and be able to provide some assistance to my single friends, though most of them are also subscribed, so really, I stay subscribed because your posts are informative, but just really amusing. BTW, really enjoyed 50 shades of Earl Grey.
Sheila, I think that’s a great point. Not necessarily that the one word would make all the difference, but the motivation behind it certainly would. It’s a really tricky topic, the idea of trying to say things to get people to do what you want them to…without seeming condescending or patronizing or manipulative. No one likes to feel they’re being “managed”! And the idea of having standards that aren’t being met and communicating this in positive/negative terms can be a bit of a minefield. Watching this video, I couldn’t help thinking of the situation between my mother and my brother–the “I love you very much, you mean the world to me, but/and you’re letting me down” situation has worn itself into a rut by now, and doesn’t necessarily get them anywhere. To be honest, I think part of the problem is that my parents have always had high standards for their kids and told us that we can do anything–and when the psychological pressure is great and yet you know you’re letting someone down, the idea of “you’re amazing; you mean the world to me” can just make it worse. If you’re down already, the pressure of living up to what someone thinks of you can just push you down further and further. It’s not an easy win.
Irene,
This is a most bizarre accusation of an extraordinarily serious nature, the likes of which I have never experienced in all of my career dealing with hundreds of thousands of women. To my knowledge we have never met, and to receive such a message in a public forum such as a blog is stunning to me.
Whatever has happened to you should be immediately reported to the police where I am sure they will deal with you with the utmost care and attention.
Matthew
So I’ve been dating a guy for 7 months and it’s been great so far. We are very open and have open communication and I made a comment to him last weekend about how I really enjoy spending quality time with him and if he could just spend more time with me on his days off from work. Then this guy tell me we need to go at my pace because I know myself. I didn’t understand the last he mentioned which was “we need to go at my pace because I know myself too well”. I asked him if he could reexplain himself and he muttered the same thing. I understand what he meant by “go at his pace” means but isn’t a relationship a 2 way street? I’m not asking the guy to marry me or provide me with an organ transplant….all I asked was for him to spend more time with me so we can get to know each other better and bond more with each other. I’m not a rocket scientist but I’ consider myself a pretty smart cookie. What is this guy trying to tell me by “I know myself”? I’m trying to read between the lines but just not processing it. Can anyone please provide me with someone feedback or advice to this situation. Thanks for listening .
Say to him “I understand. You lead – I’ll follow.” This is giving him the message that you trust him and have faith in his ability to know what’s best for the both of you in terms of what he can give. It’s one of the most powerful things you can say to bring out the man in your guy.
Thank you so much for the wise advice Kim. I created a pro’s and con’s list of my boyfriend and he has more good qualities than bad qualities and that is why I want to really make an effort to try to make this relationship work.
Hey you’re welcome. Strong women need to know how to channel their energy into getting the best out of their man. Read up on as much as you can on how to do this. All the best to you.
Outstanding information. Matthew I value what you have to share and really appreciate it. Thank you so much.
Hello, Matthew, well I met this guy at college, at first I did not noticed him because he is from other semester. at the begining of the semester I talked to him a couple of times, like hello or goodbye and when he smiled at me I smiled back,nothing special. To be honest he is a really handsome man, but he likes partying all the time and he is never doing great things at school.However, one day when I went to this bar-restaurant with my friends and we were leaving I said goodbye to him and kissed him in the cheek, here in my country is usual to do that with everybody. So after a couple of minutes I saw him again, but outside then, he said that I was a really nice person and I said thank you even though we don´t know you. Then my friends were teasing me that I was flirting with this guy and since I was kind of drunk he ended up hugging me and getting too close to me. but we never kissed. Then my friends left and I stayed with him outside college, he talked about ourselves and other stuff. He mentioned again that I was very nice. After I came home he posted on my facebook wall that I made his day and we had to repeat that conversation. The week after that day, he followed me to everywhere, he said that I was his favorite girl, he told my closest friends that he liked me and that he was not going to hurt me he even told other people in the classroom that he liked me. He said that I was pretty and all that. On facebook we talked a lot, some weeks past, but his attention to me decreased. At the beginning I told him that he have to know each other better before anything else happens. The only thing I noticed I that he was showing jealousy when I was close to my guy friends and when I received a rose from my brother. He told me that he gets angry easily. One day he got mad with my friends because they told him that he was always with too many women and then we kind of argued, but we arranged everything and then he invited me a beer after some time he kissed me, but It was very fast. After that we talked that we had to know each other better again, and everything was okay, but he started not talking to me on facebook, so I talked to him, but he was kind of cold and distant. then I stopped talking to him on facebbok and at school I just said hi how are you. Then I was told that he was seen hugging another girl and one day I was in the same bar and he was dancing with a woman next to me. I felt really sad because I started to like him after I rejected many things. I left the city for a week and before that week he only approached me to say hello with a kiss on my cheek, then I didn’t told him that i was traveling and in that week of absence I was told that he got into a fight with a boy because he kissed this guy´s girlfriend. I return last week and I didn´t see him on campus, one of my friends told me that he saw him in a bar, but he never entered to class. I was worried so I facebooked him and he told me that he left college and that he was not going to come back. He kind of say goodbye to each other I told him what I started to feel for him, but he replied with good lucks and I wish you the best, then I told him that he was being very cold and he apologized, I told him that I did not hated him for that he responded ok and then he asked me if I went to drink this friday I responded yes and he has not read or reply to me yet, and I do not think he will. I think I started to like this guy and I do not know why because he is the opposite to me. Now he is gone and I just want to see him one more time, but it looks like he just played with me even though everybody even me thought that he liked me. I just need an advice!
He is a player, i know it hurts but is much better that he is not with you any more,believe me. This kind of man you have to avoid like a plague, they never will take you seriously, even worst at this age. Say thanks that he left. He will only mess up with you and your life. He will break your heart much more.
I am in a sticky wicket at work with a colleague, and I have been receiving his cold shoulder for 2 weeks now. My work friends are starting to notice, I am in-and-out of the office due to study leave and exams. The atmosphere can be cut with a knife when we need to share a space. I didn’t know how approach him, since I am currently not in the office a lot.
This advice really helps.
Thank you
Hi, Matthew! My name is Roxana, I’m from Romania and I watch you for almost two years now :D So today I felt like I must thank you and tell you that you are AMAZING! Something called a “genius”, but I bet you already knew that:))Changing lives the way you do is exactly what a genius does !:D
P.S. I travel quite a lot for my studies, so how about a next video in which you tell us “how to deal with long-distance relationships”? :D Thank you, Matt !
Matthew,
Here is the deal. I’ve been on a long distance relationship for about eight months now. Until february I was really sckeptical about it and told so to my partner whereas he was really buying the relationship. Since then I decided to embrace the relationship and put my doubts behind me. The thing is now he has doubts about it and he is scared I might go back to being skeptical and this end up hurting him if I do. The thing is it took me longer to buy into the relationship and I wanna show him I am truly trying to make it work and that I do see a future for us without also scaring him. What can I do in order to show him that?
Help me, pleeeease, Matthew!
Thank you for all your advices as always!
Kisses,
Helena.
Thanks Matt This Was Super Helpful As Always!! You Always Base Your Topics On What Needs to Be Said Instead of What’s Trendy or Popular and That’s What I Love Most About You
Matthew,
Your wisdom never ceases to amaze me. You relate things in such simple terms.I’ve read this concept before, but you have really helped me to understand it. You are a blessing to this world.
Sending you big cyber hugs!
Do you have any advice on how to win over a man that wants to only be friends. We started out 8 months ago with a friends attitude, after 3 months I told him that I was falling for him. We are together all the time,he says he loves being with me and doing all the things we do, but he is not interested in sex. Just friends. Is there a way to win his heart?
I guess I have a question what if last year like me I lost my leg I’m 47 okay my husband of 20 years I feel that you looked at me different because I look at myself different how can I keep the Sparks and everything going because I love him so much and I know he loves me but with this thing happening to me you know I feel that maybe he’s a little embarrassed because he doesn’t go in the stores with me no more I just need some cute little texts or something to keep him interested something to help me out thank you