This blog is a little off-road compared with the usual love life stuff.
I think it’s important that you continue to know the REAL me through all the craziness that’s happening right now. The me that can get stressed, frustrated, fearful, and have to deal with all the same emotions you do. I’ve said it before, I don’t see this as just some brand, I see it as a community that I love being part of. I come here to connect with you. I don’t always write the articles I think will be most popular, or get the most views. I want them to have heart.
This month as most of you know I’m gearing up for the release of my TV show on NBC. And I’m nervous.
I’m not nervous in the “Oh god I can’t do this” kind of way. More in the sense that it looks like something big is coming and it’s hard to anticipate what that means. In the world I’m in right now, everyone sits you down and tells you about the opportunities that are coming. Everyone tells you about how HUGE you’re going to be. Everyone says what a crazy ride it’s going to be. It’s very ‘LA’.
Here’s the newest trailer for the show:
Crazy isn’t it?
It’s a little strange for me to hear all these things. I tend to have two thoughts.
First, my instinct is to not believe them. Not because I’m pessimistic, but because I don’t tend to get excited about things that haven’t happened, or that are uncertain. I have always had a kind of ‘underdog’ mentality. Over the years I’ve had to fight for credibility, clients, the lifestyle I want, and to be taken seriously (i.e. “Who does this KID think he is?! I’ve been a psycho-analytical-timeline-regression-therapist-NLP-hypnosis-doublebackflip-certified coach for 63 years… what does he know?!”).
Since I’ve had to fight for it, I don’t trust wild claims about things that MIGHT happen. I trust what actually happens.
Second, I actually have a fear of it going well. I’m a pretty private person – and though many don’t believe me when I say this, I’m naturally an introvert. The idea of ‘fame’ is something that scares me. Right now I can go pretty much anywhere and do anything and I’m not going to be recognised (at least not enough to worry about).
Chances are in one month that will no longer be the case.
Right now in your life you may have the same ‘fear of the unknown’. If you do, try to remember what I am trying to remember right now:
That you will work hard to impact the areas you can control, and that most of life is made up of things you can’t.
We feel powerless and afraid when we focus on all of the things that we have no power over. To use a GetTheGuy related example – a woman focused on the fact that she hasn’t met her ideal partner yet – if she focuses on the negative comment she just got from somebody, or the fact that a guy isn’t calling back, she will feel powerless and afraid.
This is a recipe for paralysis.
In my own life, I’m about to receive more hate, more negative comments, and more misinterpretation of my character than I ever have. If I thought I had haters before, it’s going to be 1,000X anything I’ve experienced. If I focus on what they are going to say I will feel powerless and afraid.
I also begin to feel this when I focus on there being more to do before the show airs than can possibly be accomplished.
But in life, 90% of happiness is perspective, not the landscape.
That means we get to choose what we focus on. If the woman in our example above looked at all of the things she could do to influence her situation – go out, meet people, learn how to flirt, build an attractive lifestyle, work on her confidence, bring new friends into her life – she would realise that there are so many exciting things she has power over.
In my life, if I focus on speaking with passion and conviction about the things I know, I become impervious to the haters.
If I look at what I can do in the next three weeks and simply focus on doing that, I will become empowered.
The last step in all of this is acceptance. I can’t do this justice in one article, but acceptance is essential to happiness. If I look at my situation and say “There is so much to do in the next 3 weeks, some of which I can do and a whole lot that is impossible to finish”, I will sleep at night. But as long as I am beating myself up for not being able to do what 10 men couldn’t do, I will feel powerless, afraid, and most of all, worthless.
(You may have realised by now that this article is as much a reminder to myself as it is to you.)
Focus on what you CAN do,
be kind to yourself for doing it…
…then kick back and welcome the unknown.
Love ,
Matthew x
(Photo credit: Ecstaticist)
Hi Matt
Thanks for a great article.
My boyfriend and I are breaking up this week and all I keep thinking about is all the things that I could have done to repair our relationship but didnt do :( I keep beating myself up over and over again. I love him so its really hard to let go :(
I know that I need to concentrate on what I can control and that is looking after myself and building up my confidence.
Thanks, Janine
This article just come in the right time for me. Thanks a lot.
I like the whole article but the most part I like is this
”
The last step in all of this is acceptance. I can’t do this justice in one article, but acceptance is essential to happiness. If I look at my situation and say “There is so much to do in the next 3 weeks, some of which I can do and a whole lot that is impossible to finish”, I will sleep at night. But as long as I am beating myself up for not being able to do what 10 men couldn’t do, I will feel powerless, afraid, and most of all, worthless.
”
really, I sometimes feel guilty for not being ready or doing things in a perfect way or finish them on time. I guess I wont be able to do that sometime and now I am ok with that.
Today before I read the article I was convincing myself I can be not fully prepared for anything in life and I will do just great and maybe more. I can be in a casual clothes and meet new people and be as much confident as if I were looking like a model from the runway hahah
Thanks a lot Matt
Love your article…it’s a reminder to myself as well.
Just be your BEST anytime and anywhere you are you and we all support you =)
Hiya Matt,
Even @ a time such as this, you’re still generous enough with your time & energy to share your thoughts & feelings. Thanks for your thoughtfulness, and caring consideration.
You really are a wonderful person. Always remember that.
Its no surprise then, that your world begins to take on a more diverse dimension.
Your light is ever more brighter Matt, a ‘Beacon to the blind, a ‘Voice to the unheard, and a very welcome ‘Hope’ to the great many.
Its because of your courage, which most inspires me. To step into the unknown, for the sake of growth, as a human being. And appreciating all that comes from knowing, ‘at least you try,’ in the reaching of positive fulfillment, and incredible human potential.
I follow you, because of your amazing spirit!
And your ability to impact the lives of others, in the best way possible, from a place of truth & giving. Its truly admirable!
I want to encourage you with what is in your heart to do.
To me, its there that the choices, which ever mattered most, are best made. For now, and into your future.
Relax and be yourself too Matt. No matter what.
The same Matt we’ve all grown to know and love.
Focus on your own strengths, skills, and experience.
And above all, trust that who you are, is more than enough…because who you are is ‘Extraordinary’!!!
All the very Best
With much Warmth,
Kindness & Admiration
Tina x
Hey thanks Matthew
for all your insights.
I just watched your video and I can feel the pain of the women who actually fell in love with one of these guys not knowing if they will be The CHOSEN ONE. It touched me, because I am still not over a broken relationship. Women are of such ‘feeling-nature’ and it’s hard to handle heart-pain and disappointment in the Love-Department.
I think the show is a wonderful idea as it is build on authentic building of the self and how to show and exert feelings.
On the other hand I personally find it odd for myself to ‘compete’ for a man since I am very much of a believer that by natural occurrence those are assertive energies (competitive thinking) that are male attributes where female energies are on the receptive side, the part that which is the container to hold it all together.
Not knowing how exactly the show is structured, I was wondering if those women get a chance to not have to stay in the same building while participating, like it has been shown in other reality shows. After all in real life not all of our female friends and acquaintances are going for the same guy that one woman does. It must be emotionally draining for the ones who actually fell in love.
For my part I would have a hard time to feel anything real for someone, if I knew I had to compete for a guy, because I still believe that he would have to fight for me and not the other way around.
In order for any woman to build self-confidence, in case she doesn’t have enough of it yet, I truly believe she is to be shown how to stand-out, because of her uniqueness as well as to NOT develop too many feelings for a man yet, until she can finally feel that he has truly chosen her, NOT because she was the best competitor but because of the qualities that makes her individually herself!
How does a woman do that if authentic feelings are welcome and a man truly wants to be able to feel safe with her, BECAUSE she is in tune with her emotional self and communicates that very authentically too? – It would be not wise to restrict any feelings yet out of my own experience it is one of the greatest pain a woman could feel when the one we love reject, turn away or abandon us.
In analogy the woman is THE HOUSE and the man is the VISITOR ;-) who comes inside of us. Whatever he does, evokes and intentionally, or sometimes unintentionally brings forth will leave a lasting imprint for that any woman who is authentic and true will have to have all her ‘doors’ open, allowing herself to vulnerable, and she will have to trust that he won’t hurt her.
In case of many women competing for the same guy some of these woman will get hurt! Knowing that, how will a woman be able to stand before him without any type of reservations?
Just a thought …. from someone who has gone through a lot of pain when it comes to relationship and love.
Have a great time on your US-Tour, Matt.
Thank you for caring ♥
Matt, We LOVE you. For being genuine, kind, caring and for you’re book not being fake but so real, so true and so full of tiny details about where to go and what to do and most importantly how to be happy. You are a wonderful human first, a great coach after. Know that and even though we all venture into the unknown as you said – turn your fear into excitement. You age doesn’t make you a great person, what you are inside does. xoxo,
Liz.
Matt,
Best of luck – you are a great person with originality and a genuinely Happy nature that shines through even through all this Internet distance.
Cheers
Hi Matt, you are such a beautiful soul!Ive been following ur articles and you tube vids etc for about a couple of years I think and love you and admire you so much.!I’ve watched you blossom, and knew you would be big soon!Just stay real and if they get too Hollywoody and lose the essence,authenticity and simplicity just tell em its not necessary ,to just be real.!They need non egotistical real people like you!You are such a gorgeous genuine guy and radiate love integrity and passion.I love your honesty and as a healer and yoga teacher and activist for global change in all ways, animal, human and environmental it can really press people’s buttons, but its got to be done !I’m honest and real too and it can help others to trust and open up too.Though a great communicator like you,I’m hypersensitive and have been attacked,verbally and online.Sometimes it really upset me and makes me ill, but have found the best way is always to be real and I just have to defend and speak up for those who cant especially defenceless animals and children! That’s why we are here.! Yes we get some people projecting their own stuff,but after the vitriol,they make us stronger and more passionate to speak up even more!Just love yourself, bless them send them love as they need it!as its triggered something in them to wake up to issues they are in denial of and if it upsets us its to bring our self doubt to heal too.So on one level its all meant to be .Test of faith.Just think of the many brave people who expose injustices ,for animal, human ,and nature’s rights,and risk danger and their lives to defend the vulnerable
.As Margaret Mead said “Don’t think that a small group of people will not make a difference, ….its the only thing that ever has.”
You will be fine. You are a shining star, not in the shallow showbizzy sense , but a light as many are to guide people to shine their own light.
It really helps to relax, breathe slowly and I’ve had a very tough time this life, learnt lots of very painful lessons and without Yoga and meditation i couldn’t have coped , they are life savers , and there are many great guided meditations free on you tube for anyone to bring balance and take us within to the truth of who we all are and everything is …. pure love everything else is for healing .
Love you ! Wanna marry you lol
all the best and take time just to BE! xx
I don’t think fame has to equal success. A lot of my favourite rock stars got conflicted with the fame vs soul question. Soul is always, always more important…coming from your heart and staying connected to it no matter WHAT happens around you. Although fame may bring success with it, someone doing a low-key, ‘quieter’ job but still affecting lives, is just as valid as someone on TV. Just keep that perspective and don’t believe the hype too much (as you’re clearly not). I think you are asking the right questions mate! Keep it real within yourself. Sending you lots of hearts. :)
Hi Matt,
You are an incredible guy!
It was really coincidence how i foud out about you, and i’m really glad.
Thank you so much for sharing your experiences with us.
I’m confident that your show will be a great success, simply because you are so talented.
Warm regards
Dina
Awww, Matthew, sending big hugs and positive energy as you step our on faith. Your honesty is refreshing and sweet. Wishing you the best of luck on this amazing journey.
As for the haters, remember, life’s rejections are the Universe’s protections. So what if they reject you and/or what you stand for? That just brings you closer to those who are supportive, and, as you said, motivates you to move forward.
Doubts are good, Matthew. They’re a sign that you have humility and empathy. We can use our doubts to help us to move into a place of having compassion for ourselves. This compassion then deepens and we widen the circle of compassion out into our world.
I hope some of this made a bit of sense. I just woke up. Ha ha!
Now, when you come to NYC, I’d be more than happy to lead you and your team in some relaxing, focusing, rejuvenating Yoga. Just say the word and consider it DONE. It’s the least I can do. Your teachings have been a big help to me in many areas of my life.
Have a wonderful day!
Matthew, I feel you are the one hundred percent genuine article and your humility is very touching. You have done so much good to my life Thank you from my heart.
Hi Matthew,
Thank you for the insightful and genuine sharing, I trust that it not only empowers readers, inspires clarity but also reminds yourself of the power within, the knowing.
I heard about you not long ago, though on dating, I feel drawn and touched by your message I “hear”: you love people and care about people. Can’t resonate more. I believe that you innately know that you were meant to do this – help people empower themselves through your love and care, yes of course your knowledge, wisdom and much more :)
I can’t help but humbly share a reminder I keep to myself and people around me: “it’s really all about the journey.” It’s not about getting there, it’s about Going there. The savouring and appreciating along the way is what life is truly about, the joyful moment of now, now .. :)
I trust you are doing fantastic on your journey and thank you for being inspiring, loving and caring. Truly hope will get a chance to join your events some time in London!
Jingjing
“the joyful moment of now, now .. :)” One of the greatest lessons in life.
Thankyou JingJing x
Wow!! The show looks so GREAT! Now I can’t wait to see it!! Really! haha Good luck for it. You’ll be fine for sure! ^^
Hi Matt
Just saw the trailer and think it looks really interesting. Is that going to be available to watch in the UK?
I also want to add that I am really enjoying the Get the Guy kindle book. I went to one of your seminars a couple of years ago and kind of forgot about it as I was going through a really rough patch in my career and finances.
Anyway what has surprised me is how the book is having an impact on my thought processes, especially to do with my career and future goals. I was stuck and couldn’t seem to move out of my flat, but I have finally done it and I have started to make more daring leaps towards doing the things I really want, like running my own business. I can actually say I feel empowered, even though I am facing redundancy again next month! This book has definitely made me look and question some of my values. So hoepfully this will be a life-changing year for me. And I will keep reading the book and watching the vids to stay inspired. Thanks for those.
Good luck with your show, it will probably have a major impact on your life, but remember as long as you stay true to your values, the effect should be mostly a positive one.
Aloha!
First of all i’m getting all nervous about this^^ and i don’t know why! I’m just so incredibly happy for you! *thumbs up*
I have listened and followed your videos since 3-4 years back and i think you are an a-m-a-z-i-n-g person.
Wish you all well with the show (which looks fantastic – can’t wait to see it myself!)
Lastly i want to add that you are an inspiration to me! Thank you for doing what you do :)
Lots of smiles and hugs from Sweden,
Wave x
Hi Matt
Had an awful day. When I started to read your email I it helped me to see that I am not the only one struggling at some times. Lets try more to worry less and see life in the positive perspective and never give up! Thank you so much for sharing. Sending you positive thoughts!
Sonja
Way go Matt I am excited for you. Best of luck!!! Cant wait to watch the show. When does it air on television?
Matt,
You’re an inspiration to all of us! You have so much love inside of you, and are true to yourself. Not many people can be the way you are.
Thank you so much for sharing your talent – your insights and sound advice on “Get the Guy”. I’m applying what I’ve learned from you not just in my love life, but also in my professional life. I’m learning how to take charge and take better care of myself. I’m noticing a change – I’m more relaxed and happy in all areas of my life.
Now you’re about to share your talent and love with more people through “Crazy for Love” and the relase of your new book in the U.S.
When I first saw you on your video, I felt you knew your mission in life, and are true to yourself. You still are.
God has a plan for you. Go with the flow; he’s always there for you.
Thank you for being such an inspiration to all of us.
apart frm being a dating coach ur also a mentor,luv tha way u accept ur fears n deal wit them coz that shows u also practice what u preach,,,and thats what makes me wona listen to you more,your realy heaven sent.God bless