This blog is a little off-road compared with the usual love life stuff.
I think it’s important that you continue to know the REAL me through all the craziness that’s happening right now. The me that can get stressed, frustrated, fearful, and have to deal with all the same emotions you do. I’ve said it before, I don’t see this as just some brand, I see it as a community that I love being part of. I come here to connect with you. I don’t always write the articles I think will be most popular, or get the most views. I want them to have heart.
This month as most of you know I’m gearing up for the release of my TV show on NBC. And I’m nervous.
I’m not nervous in the “Oh god I can’t do this” kind of way. More in the sense that it looks like something big is coming and it’s hard to anticipate what that means. In the world I’m in right now, everyone sits you down and tells you about the opportunities that are coming. Everyone tells you about how HUGE you’re going to be. Everyone says what a crazy ride it’s going to be. It’s very ‘LA’.
Here’s the newest trailer for the show:
Crazy isn’t it?
It’s a little strange for me to hear all these things. I tend to have two thoughts.
First, my instinct is to not believe them. Not because I’m pessimistic, but because I don’t tend to get excited about things that haven’t happened, or that are uncertain. I have always had a kind of ‘underdog’ mentality. Over the years I’ve had to fight for credibility, clients, the lifestyle I want, and to be taken seriously (i.e. “Who does this KID think he is?! I’ve been a psycho-analytical-timeline-regression-therapist-NLP-hypnosis-doublebackflip-certified coach for 63 years… what does he know?!”).
Since I’ve had to fight for it, I don’t trust wild claims about things that MIGHT happen. I trust what actually happens.
Second, I actually have a fear of it going well. I’m a pretty private person – and though many don’t believe me when I say this, I’m naturally an introvert. The idea of ‘fame’ is something that scares me. Right now I can go pretty much anywhere and do anything and I’m not going to be recognised (at least not enough to worry about).
Chances are in one month that will no longer be the case.
Right now in your life you may have the same ‘fear of the unknown’. If you do, try to remember what I am trying to remember right now:
That you will work hard to impact the areas you can control, and that most of life is made up of things you can’t.
We feel powerless and afraid when we focus on all of the things that we have no power over. To use a GetTheGuy related example – a woman focused on the fact that she hasn’t met her ideal partner yet – if she focuses on the negative comment she just got from somebody, or the fact that a guy isn’t calling back, she will feel powerless and afraid.
This is a recipe for paralysis.
In my own life, I’m about to receive more hate, more negative comments, and more misinterpretation of my character than I ever have. If I thought I had haters before, it’s going to be 1,000X anything I’ve experienced. If I focus on what they are going to say I will feel powerless and afraid.
I also begin to feel this when I focus on there being more to do before the show airs than can possibly be accomplished.
But in life, 90% of happiness is perspective, not the landscape.
That means we get to choose what we focus on. If the woman in our example above looked at all of the things she could do to influence her situation – go out, meet people, learn how to flirt, build an attractive lifestyle, work on her confidence, bring new friends into her life – she would realise that there are so many exciting things she has power over.
In my life, if I focus on speaking with passion and conviction about the things I know, I become impervious to the haters.
If I look at what I can do in the next three weeks and simply focus on doing that, I will become empowered.
The last step in all of this is acceptance. I can’t do this justice in one article, but acceptance is essential to happiness. If I look at my situation and say “There is so much to do in the next 3 weeks, some of which I can do and a whole lot that is impossible to finish”, I will sleep at night. But as long as I am beating myself up for not being able to do what 10 men couldn’t do, I will feel powerless, afraid, and most of all, worthless.
(You may have realised by now that this article is as much a reminder to myself as it is to you.)
Focus on what you CAN do,
be kind to yourself for doing it…
…then kick back and welcome the unknown.
Love ,
Matthew x
(Photo credit: Ecstaticist)
Hi Matt,
I just wanted to thank you for this insight and all the others I have heard from you over the past few years. They have really helped me see things on a different light. I feel so positive after reading this and all of the other comments. After reading this whilst sitting in a cafe a guy I found attractive came in and sat down. I tried to think of giving him ‘the look’ and of how I could approach him when he was a few tables next to me. In the end I didn’t really know what to say and ended up leaving. This made me feel bad because I am really trying to approach and talk to all people, including guys I find attractive. I am succeeding in this however I have found on some occasions such as this one, that I just do not know what to say or how to approach them and it look very normal and casual. I then end up feeling bad and being a bit hard on myself afterwards if I don’t approach. Do you girls find this as well. It’s almost like I need one thing I can do in every situation that will make sense and work in what I say and do. I really want to feel prepared for the next situation where I want to talk to someone anywhere, anytime. I don’t want to think, I just want to do! Maybe you have some ideas or advice Matt?
By the way, you can always come on here and tell us all how you’re going. We are here for you and cheering you on, knowing you are doing the same for us.
Thank you :)
Elle
The show looks great! I can’t wait to watch :) Everything in life is brought forward as an opportunity to learn. Thanks for reaffirming that the steps I am trying to take right now are the right ones :) If someone as smart as you is doing the same thing then I can’t be doing too bad ;) See you on March 31st!
Matthew ! I’m so happy for you. You deserve the best and will do just great. It’s so much fun to read your thoughts because you’re a real authentic guy.
If I may suggest something, whenever action is not enough to keep you from thinking you’ll go insane, just stop for a second, close your eyes and take a deep breath. I’m not joking. When we are stressed and on the run, we don’t breath deeply enough and our brain needs this to stay clear and focus.
Don’t worry about what next comes up, you don’t know yet ! LOL
Have a great day !
JP
Wicked blog today, Matthew (old skool… I’m showing my age… :D ). I esp liked what you said about 90% of happiness being perspective and not the landscape. I will remember that. You are completely right.
Wishing you every success with the show, Matt – Remember to keep it real and come back to the UK to see us!
xx
thanks, i needed this article. right now i am struggling with both no relationships (haven’t had one in a while) and no job (nothing permanent for a year now). i’ve been feeling very down about it and it’s a vicious cycle because the worse i feel the lower the chances that i think i’ll get what i want.
i need to remember to do the best i can and let the rest go, because i can’t control everything. also, if i remind myself of the positives in my life i’d feel a lot better. my life is far from horrible. i do go on dates pretty frequently and i have a temporary job so i am making some money.
Hi Matthew,
Firstly congrats! The show looks amazing! I began following your advice about a year ago when I had literally lost all hope in finding someone i could share my life with! Since then things have changed dramatically not only in my lovelife but my life in general! I have more confidence now than i ever thought possible and I’m living life to the full and loving every minute! So thank you so much, the advice you give is invaluable! Regardless of how you’re feeling at the moment Matthew just remember you have an army of fans behind you who believe in you and support your work 100%! Best of luck xx
Hi Matt,
My sister and I can’t wait to watch. The promo looked exciting, a learning experience with heart.
I’m at a crossroads with love right now, and your blog was timely. Thank you for sharing your vulnerability. I met someone very special, very special. He terrifies me at how quickly and readily he loves and wants to commit. Stupid, huh? I think too much. I’ve been aching for that special person and intimacy. Now that it’s here, fear was the last thing I expected to feel. I’m going to take your advice, focus on what I have control over, be kind to myself about it and kick back and let it happen.
Best regards,
Control freak from Dallas, TX
Hi, Matt. I wish you the very best with this. You deserve it. If women (and men) watching this show can pick up even one tip re dating and life, it will be worth it. Good luck.
I can not wait to watch this.
It looks just GREAT
Well done Matthew!!!!
Hi Matt seen your videos think u give good adivce were about same age been feeling hurt sad about guy from school been in touch with should I give him space right now
Dear Matt- you are very inspiring! Glad to have found out about you a couple months ago.
Right now I’m going through a similar period and welcoming the unknown. It is a beautiful coincidence what you wrote here.. Thank you:)
So happy for the show and the beautiful work you do!
X
I can’t wait to see the show either! I started to read your blog and watch your videos for the dating part, but would like some more general advice or live advice like that more often. :)
Hi Matt,
This is sort of the calm before the storm. A bit of fear of the unknown too. A long as you stay true to who you are, but you are the advice expert and you already know this. I am confident that you will continue to stay in touch with us by blogs, email updates, etc. Even though you haven’t met most of us that follow you and participate in your e-course, you have built a connection that is as if you are a distant friend that offers great advice, occasionally vents his concerns, and has an open door to our comments and questions. You have the privilege of making a difference in peoples lives by simply having been such a real person that reaches out to us and touches on the very points that may puzzle us at times. I wish you every continued success. I am looking to your new show and excited about the Toronto event!
Hugs,
Kat
Sent from my BlackBerry device on the Rogers Wireless Network
You will be alright as you always have been!Enjoy the show! And breathe! :-D Also a reminder to self.:-) x
Bottom line is that you have worked hard to live your passion. Enjoy the continuing climb up this mountain because life happens as you climb not just when you reach the top. There will always be another top, right? The unknown awaits us everyday. LIVE IT WITH ANTICIPATION OF ABUNDANCE!
Hi Matthew,
My roommate and I just discovered your program, and we’ve been loving the videos. On the topic of haters: we’re both grad students in a top university in New York, and the competitive environment can bring out the best and the worst in people. I don’t say this to emphasize our accomplishments–I say this because it took me a while to realize that the visibility that success brings with it can make us painfully and obsessively self-aware. I’m surrounded by talented, brilliant peers who privately agonize over the unshakeable sense that they have duped everyone in the process of getting to this school and this city. I watch all of us go through bad days, when we dwell on the humiliation of a class comment that didn’t come out the way we wanted, and good days, when we remind ourselves that we’re lucky, we love our work, and the worst thing that happens is that we learn something from someone who rocks our boat…(and even in that scenario, the thing we might learn is that we’re not as dependent on someone else’s intellectual approval as we thought we were, which is a pretty liberating take-away, I’d say). That’s to say, good luck, and not that you need the validation, but you’ve got at least two brainy supporters in NYC.
I has been trying so hard to make myself normal blend with others and being low-profile. But it been quite hard when you know that your different and bold.Because i know my deepest fear is the fame.
I’d like to share this which is most like what im feeling.
“Our Deepest FearBy Marianne Williamson
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness
That most frightens us.
We ask ourselves
Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small
Does not serve the world.
There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking
So that other people won’t feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine,
As children do.
We were born to make manifest
The glory of God that is within us.
It’s not just in some of us;
It’s in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine,
We unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we’re liberated from our own fear,
Our presence automatically liberates others.”
Thank you so very much for this article. It was well needed, not for my love life at all, but for everything else. Lately, I have been taking on more than I can handle and I really need to understand that I have limits and I need to watch them carefully without going overboard. Thank you so much. Good luck with your show, I know it will be amazing deep down in my gut (which is usually right).
Matt,
You’ve fluently expressed the constant struggle to find and maintain happiness, which I think is the most important trait we share. You seem to be ahead of everyone on the second count~! Well done..!
I would like to see one of your live venues but I live in the wild west. So I look forward to reading your book and big congratulations on your new show. LA is a state of mind, so just remember to get out for awhile and you’ll be fine-even San Fran is a good day trip to a slightly more thoughtful culture. Thanks for being open, British, and an introvert-how is it you do all three?
Best,
Emily
Dear Matt, Haters will be haters, you have true talent and it makes you shine so envy and negativity are most likely to happen. I loved the post and support you 200%, since I feel exactly the same at times. Oh and btw succesful and good looking is a good combination for more hating but its all about perspective as you say, Cheers Matt xx