This blog is a little off-road compared with the usual love life stuff.
I think it’s important that you continue to know the REAL me through all the craziness that’s happening right now. The me that can get stressed, frustrated, fearful, and have to deal with all the same emotions you do. I’ve said it before, I don’t see this as just some brand, I see it as a community that I love being part of. I come here to connect with you. I don’t always write the articles I think will be most popular, or get the most views. I want them to have heart.
This month as most of you know I’m gearing up for the release of my TV show on NBC. And I’m nervous.
I’m not nervous in the “Oh god I can’t do this” kind of way. More in the sense that it looks like something big is coming and it’s hard to anticipate what that means. In the world I’m in right now, everyone sits you down and tells you about the opportunities that are coming. Everyone tells you about how HUGE you’re going to be. Everyone says what a crazy ride it’s going to be. It’s very ‘LA’.
Here’s the newest trailer for the show:
Crazy isn’t it?
It’s a little strange for me to hear all these things. I tend to have two thoughts.
First, my instinct is to not believe them. Not because I’m pessimistic, but because I don’t tend to get excited about things that haven’t happened, or that are uncertain. I have always had a kind of ‘underdog’ mentality. Over the years I’ve had to fight for credibility, clients, the lifestyle I want, and to be taken seriously (i.e. “Who does this KID think he is?! I’ve been a psycho-analytical-timeline-regression-therapist-NLP-hypnosis-doublebackflip-certified coach for 63 years… what does he know?!”).
Since I’ve had to fight for it, I don’t trust wild claims about things that MIGHT happen. I trust what actually happens.
Second, I actually have a fear of it going well. I’m a pretty private person – and though many don’t believe me when I say this, I’m naturally an introvert. The idea of ‘fame’ is something that scares me. Right now I can go pretty much anywhere and do anything and I’m not going to be recognised (at least not enough to worry about).
Chances are in one month that will no longer be the case.
Right now in your life you may have the same ‘fear of the unknown’. If you do, try to remember what I am trying to remember right now:
That you will work hard to impact the areas you can control, and that most of life is made up of things you can’t.
We feel powerless and afraid when we focus on all of the things that we have no power over. To use a GetTheGuy related example – a woman focused on the fact that she hasn’t met her ideal partner yet – if she focuses on the negative comment she just got from somebody, or the fact that a guy isn’t calling back, she will feel powerless and afraid.
This is a recipe for paralysis.
In my own life, I’m about to receive more hate, more negative comments, and more misinterpretation of my character than I ever have. If I thought I had haters before, it’s going to be 1,000X anything I’ve experienced. If I focus on what they are going to say I will feel powerless and afraid.
I also begin to feel this when I focus on there being more to do before the show airs than can possibly be accomplished.
But in life, 90% of happiness is perspective, not the landscape.
That means we get to choose what we focus on. If the woman in our example above looked at all of the things she could do to influence her situation – go out, meet people, learn how to flirt, build an attractive lifestyle, work on her confidence, bring new friends into her life – she would realise that there are so many exciting things she has power over.
In my life, if I focus on speaking with passion and conviction about the things I know, I become impervious to the haters.
If I look at what I can do in the next three weeks and simply focus on doing that, I will become empowered.
The last step in all of this is acceptance. I can’t do this justice in one article, but acceptance is essential to happiness. If I look at my situation and say “There is so much to do in the next 3 weeks, some of which I can do and a whole lot that is impossible to finish”, I will sleep at night. But as long as I am beating myself up for not being able to do what 10 men couldn’t do, I will feel powerless, afraid, and most of all, worthless.
(You may have realised by now that this article is as much a reminder to myself as it is to you.)
Focus on what you CAN do,
be kind to yourself for doing it…
…then kick back and welcome the unknown.
Love ,
Matthew x
(Photo credit: Ecstaticist)
Matthew I wish I could say something to encourage you as much as you have encouraged me this year through your writing and video’s. You said everything anyone would tell you in this post. As long as you know who you are No one can shake your confidence. Just show up,be your best let God handle the rest. Don’t ever view yourself the way the world see’s you..it will always be distorted..stay close to family and hold on to what you believe. You will always teach more by the life you lead and what you say. So it is a blessing more people will have the opportunity to see who you are..use being in the public eye as a chance to influence and help more people. It sounds positive to me! Best wishes :)
Thanks Yvonne, you’re a sweetheart.
x
Matthew, thank you for writing this.
I have felt powerless and scared about a lot of things over the past couple of years. When I started college three years ago, I suddenly got feelings of panic and fear of the unknown, because I wasn’t sure where I was headed and whether or not I wanted to go there. It took me months to realize that very few people my age really know what they’re doing, and eventually I accepted the fact that I had no control over this, trusting that I’d end up somewhere nice eventually and at least have fun along the way.
More recently, I experienced a roller coaster of joy and fear while trying to make a connection with a guy that continuously opened up to me, then shut me out again and again. I have never felt so insecure about myself, never felt so dependant on somebody else, so powerless about something I wanted so bad. I am over him now, but it took me several months to face all the fear I still felt. It has made me more scared to meet new guys. And even though I have never doubted that I will eventually find some one, I am scared of how long it will take. And I am scared that when I do find somebody that likes me, I will drive him away somehow.
These things always bother me in the back of my mind, though most of the times I can handle them.
I am touched by the way you just wrote this personal article. To me, it’s incredibly reassuring to know other people are afraid of the unknown as well, even people as seemingly ‘in charge’ as you. So thank you. And I wish you the best of luck on the exciting things ahead! :)
Hey Eveline,
We all have our moments when we need support, including me. That’s when you need your best people around you to remind you of how strong you are.
Thanks for being here.
x
Matt, you couldn’t have picked a better timing to send this as I’m feeling so overwhelmed I’m ready to cry! Too late, there goes…
I can use Florida right now but soon enough and counting the days…
Thanks for everything, really!!!
Hey Rowena,
Can’t wait to see you out there!
x
I’m counting down the days until the Florida retreat. I’m running on empty and every blog article and email you write gives me just a little more energy to keep going under a time of stress.
Thanks for all the inspiration.
We believe in you, Matt! So many people I know are going through this right now including some guys I know. So cannot wait until Florida to fix me! :)
Respect!
Are you going in March? I’m going in October, which will be the perfect timing for me, but am already looking forward to it so much. Can’t wait to meet the other participants…! :) x x
It’s going to blow you away Cordelia. Can’t wait to see you there. x
In a way the show seems different than your focus. It seems to stress the “beautiful” people and not the normal people of the world. : ) What I like about you is that you are down to earth in most of your work. You talk to people of all ages, looks, sizes, etc. The show seems to stress the size 0 women, and the macho man. Perhaps the “perfect” woman for one of these guys is not a perfect 10. You never know. Most people in the world do not look like that. Of course, this is television, but I think television sets an unrealistic expectation for the “normal” man or woman. I think that it seems unnatural and unrealistic and is like so many other of the unreal “reality shows.” This is just an observation. I am not a big fan of reality shows. I do enjoy your blogs though, and I will probably buy your book.
Hey Learning,
I agree with you. But there are powers bigger than me in TV : )
Thanks for your opinion, and I hope you enjoy my book.
x
I was able to see Matt in action on the shows set and let me tell you it’s not all about being “perfect” or even a size zero. I personally felt it touches more on the imperfections in our lives no matter where you come from or what you look like. I really don’t think you will be disappointed:) I have to be honest Ernesto is my favorite. The more you get to know him and where he comes from he just becomes that much more attractive
Well said, Matthew! Being the best You you are is amazing and you are amazing for Being. I hope that made sense. That you choose to live from your heart and remain grounded in that shows integrity. Will that always be recognized…no. Will that always be appreciated…no. Does it really matter…no. How will the Universe show up for you…that is the awesome adventure!!!
Thanks Ess x
It will be one of the saddest things on earth if you were to absorb any of the criticism.
I won’t, promise ; )
Stay with me though, your support means the world
x
Matt
The show looks amazing and I have no doubt that you’ll be loved and adored by the US… So the questions is, when can we have you back? The UK needs you…. But seriously you deserve every success… You have been changing so may lives for the better… And I feel absolutely privileged enough to have come across with the get the guy philosophy…
Good luck… We love to loads
Xxx
Thanks Zsuzsanna,
I’m back and forth from the UK so you haven’t lost me over there, I’m just on the road a little more these days!
Thanks for being part of the journey with me.
x
Bless you Matt!! The show looks amazing, I just hope we get to see it here in old blighty.
I clearly deserve your success…so receive with open arms :-)
Xx
Thanks Cherie!
Hopefully it’ll get to England too : )
x
I love u the more matthew, most times people fail to accept the truth. Am a type of person that will always stand on what I want not minding any circumstances, but people Do not believe I can act in such manner. My friends see me as a cool, quiet, and soft minded person, of which I am the opposite.
Sometimes I doubt if am the one hiding my true self but of which am not. I don’t know if my attitudes sometimes affect my love life because we African’s believe that woman should be soft minded and not otherwise
Hey Joy,
Stay true to who you are, and let it come out. Being a powerful human being is about being soft when it’s needed, and taking charge when it’s needed. Let both parts of you shine through!
Big love!
M x
By the way, I am not meaning to be hating on you. : ) I just want to encourage you to keep up the good part in your work. It is much more important than fame, as you make a difference in people’s lives. Right now I am trying to write a Master’s paper and I am very afraid of doing it and procrastinating. I think that I am afraid of succeeding somehow. It is also an overwhelmingly big project and I really don’t know how to do it, and I am afraid of not doing it RIGHT, and that makes me put it off. I am not sure how to break that cycle. I know the answer is to just START and keep going, but it is difficult. : )
Hey Learning,
Not at all, I love that you commented!
The key with your masters is to let it be average to begin with, then work from there. If you try to make it perfect to begin with it’ll never get started.
Go get em!
x
Thanks. : ) You also. Good luck and protect your inner self and your soul and be a force for good in the industry. It needs it. You are in my prayers. Peace.
Watching the trailer made me feel like your show is going to be similar to the bachelor/bachlorette with all the pretty, thin people and the women behaving atrociously towards one another in the usual hollywood entertainment sort of way. Then I saw that clip of you telling one of the women she was behaving badly so now I am intrigued!! That alone makes me want to watch it!! I hope that as your services get more and more in demand and as Hollywood tries to add their usual drama to what you do that you do not to lose sight of why you went into this line of work in the first place and what message you are trying to send. Your videos (and no doubt your book will have the same effect) have been immensely helpful in pointing out subtle shifts that we can make in our lives to make them better and feel more fulfilled. You have an excellent grasp of human psychology and this will no doubt serve you well going forward. Best of luck!
Hey Abby,
You and I think alike. It’s hard in the tv world because there’s a lot of pressure to entertain, when sometimes you just want to educate.
I’ve done my best in this show to do both! But regardless of what happens in the media, I’ll always be here, giving my honest sincere thoughts to help people move forward, with ZERO drama along the way : ).
Matt x
I really appreciate your sharing these thoughts with the world. It’s difficult to be naked in front of others. I too am an introvert and very private. I also do not become excited about things that haven’t happened and not much impresses me either. I think that sincerity is what impresses most upon me in this life as there is so little of it.
So here is my dilemma; I’m 55 years young. I have a disability but you can’t see it. I look completely normal and I’m attractive. However I am unemployed as a result of the disability and my income is limited to the point that the things I’m interested in that could work for me and in conjunction with my disability are out of my reach financially. When I meet men I’m afraid to tell them about this because most men want someone who is actively working and supporting themselves. I’m very down on myself for not being who I once was and even feel shame and lowered self esteem as a result of having this disability. I meet a lot of men who are very wealthy not on purpose…but I’m afraid that being honest about my disability will scare them off so I push them away before than can push me away. I’d like some thoughts about this.
Hey Anatina,
Thanks for your kind words.
You sound like an amazing individual. The fact is your personality and your personal impact are the most powerful gifts you have. Your earning power is not the defining factor in how someone will see you. But I want to make sure that it doesn’t affect how you see yourself.
Just like I talked about in the post, there are things we can change and things we can’t. If this is something you can’t control then it is something to be dealt with. Some people deal with things like masters and others like servants.
I want you to be a master in how you deal with your situation, and I’m here to help you every step of the way! ; )
Matthew x
Hey Mathew! Thanks for the response…I know you’re dedicated to what you are doing and I wish you the greatest success! And you hit the nail on the head…my disability has affected how I feel about myself in a negative fashion. There is nothing I can do about it and I guess that is one of my frustrations. I’m afraid because I have to live with it and the limitations that I’m subjected to that men will no longer see me as a whole person. I hate to be in situations where someone asks for a date to do something and I have to say…oh! I’m sorry I can’t do that or I can’t join you because it’s like limiting them too! I don’t want to limit anyone anymore than I want the limitations that I now have to live with. Make sense?
Hi Matt! Love that you sent this out- I have been going through such a dramatic change in many aspects of my life and things are continuing to change. You are not alone. Most opposite actually, there are many people who believe in you and want you to suceed and be happy.
You are fighting a good fight and I have faith that you will suceed. Way to go putting so much positivity out there!
Best wishes in your endeavors and adventures! And lots of love from the Bay area… :)
Thankyou Jessica,
Good luck in those big changes in your life right now. I’m here to support you, just as you are me!
x
mat, u r sooo amazing and you focus on what you do!! i admirer your passion!! wish you all the best for this show in USA…
xxx
Janz
Thanks Janz!
x
Hi Matt!
You’re such a kind heart and this article moved me almost to tears!
I know it is really hard sometimes to control our fears and those fears make us so blind to see the power we actually have to reach anything we want to achieve. That happens to me a lot! That’s why I feel so connected to you! And from my perspective, what my intuition says, I’m sure you’re going to make it happen and it will be great! It’s a big challenge for you but everything is gonna be ok! I can feel it! Sometimes it helps when someone you don’t know tells you these things and I really hope this can help you.
Lots of love and courage from Spain xoxo
Thanks for your beautiful message Lydia, means the world to me.
Big love to you in Spain!
x
You have gone such a long way and work so hard to get to this point in your life! Don’t be afraid of this reward life is giving you in return! The people who believe in you won’t stop doing it! Try to stay positive,everything will be ok :-)
Thanks for being there for us! And for your reply!
Big love to you too X
Matt, why are you assuming you may have lots of negative comments and haters! The very fact you care about the underdog and have great sensitivity is why you are so good at what you do. It’s why all of us are wishing you success and listen to what you say. I don’t know what all the work is you have to do beforehand, you have so much experience. You look like a rose between two thorns in your chair :) no offence ladies, you are going to do great x x
Thanks Kathryn!
I think the biggest haters tend to be people that don’t know you. But with all of these amazing people on the blog we’re a force to be reckoned with!
x
Very warm message Matt. Since most of the things in our lives we cannot control, we have to learn to live with uncertainties. I normally just don’t think of the result or consequence at all. Just focusing on maximizing my effort. So afterwards, no matter how it turns out, I already tried. No regrets.
That’s great Joy, thanks for commenting.
Matt
x
Dear Matt,
I’ve always enjoyed your blogs, video’s and book. Because I do feel that you truly want to help others by helping them to create their own happiness. Regarding your post, I think a quote of the Dalai Lama that I’ve recently stumbled might help you:
“I believe that the very purpose of life is to be happy. From the very core of our being, we desire contentment. In my own limited experience I have found that the more we care for the happiness of others, the greater is our own sense of well-being. Cultivating a close, warmhearted feeling for others automatically puts the mind at ease. It helps remove whatever fears or insecurities we may have and gives us the strength to cope with any obstacles we encounter. It is the principal source of success in life. Since we are not solely material creatures, it is a mistake to place all our hopes for happiness on external development alone. The key is to develop inner peace.”
Good luck with your tv show and always stay humble!
X
Sky
dear matt!!
you re article is very original and so rational.it’s like a written trailer exposing your life from a different side and showing what you’ve been trough to be our savior today .According to me;you shoudn’t be worry about what is going to happend tomorrow because you re in the right direction.Just don’t forget to beware of your enemy once and warn your friend a thousand times.one day i hope you to be my savior in the future .All my best wishes.
Dear Matthew
Thank you for your thoughts. Funnily enough I do have “career issues” right now, too, and never expected to find answers to questions not even asked here.
Thanks for being a ray of sun that guided me a part of my way. All the best!