I shot this a few weeks ago. It’s kind of a rant, it’s kind of fiery, but it’s a topic I’m hot about right now and that I think you’ll get a lot out of.
(For more on my Retreat programs, click here.)
Let me tell you why passion is overrated.
To clarify this: INITIAL passion is what I’m talking about here.
In my professional life I used to find myself interviewing people who were incredibly passionate about a possible job opportunity in my organisation.
The most passionate people of all would say things like, “I’ve always wanted to be a part of something like this” and “I’ll give it my all, I’ll work day and night to make this a success”.
In the beginning I’d think, ‘Wow this person really wants it. I’m going to bring this person on board’.
But the problem was that their passion was UNEARNED.
That person didn’t necessarily even know what the day-to-day of their job would be, and very often when things got tough that same person would come back to me to say, “there’s this other thing I’m really passionate about that I have to pursue. I love working with you, but there’s this thing I really have to go for.”
They’d get passionate about the next thing that came along in the same unearned way.
Passion when it’s unearned tends to be the number one quality of the dabbler.
You see it everywhere. You see people getting crazy exciting about something… and then five minutes later? They’re onto the next shiny thing having realised it’s not ‘perfect’, that it does get hard, and that they’re not going to enjoy every single minute of the day.
I’ve learned to be sceptical of initial passion.
I’ve learned that it’s much easier to find someone who can start something that it is to find someone who can finish something. People who can finish things are a lot more rare.
It takes real passion to be able to finish something; it takes a novelty to start something.
The people who are really passionate about something have a RELATIONSHIP with that thing.
If they’re passionate about a career path, they have a relationship with that career. If they’re passionate about a sport, they have a relationship with that sport. If they’re passionate about that person, they have a relationship with that person.
This is very different from showing interest in something. A relationship has ups and downs, it’s every minute of the day, and it’s something that you suffer for.
Passion comes from the Latin verb ‘pati’, meaning to suffer or endure.
That’s what passion really is. Not doing something for the sake of it or because someone else told you to, but because deep inside you have a relationship with the thing you have to endure.
The number one way women get hurt in relationships is by overvaluing initial passion, instead of valuing investment from a guy.
You know what it’s like when a guy comes up to you to tell you that you’re ‘the most incredible thing on the planet’ and that you’re ‘so beautiful and elegant’ and that he ‘must spend time with you’.
When you feel that, you know it’s unearned. How could he be so excited about you already? You see this and you’re rightly sceptical.
Carry this mentality into all of your interactions.
Start looking out for those rare moments where you find people who really give over the long-term.
When you find something you really want to do, invest in it over the long-term.
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I’m in Florida having just finished two of my Lifestyle Retreat programs. We’re going to try and get a video recorded out here to show you what it looks like. If you want to find out more about the program in the meantime, check out the main Retreat page here.
Ever since I came across you just 24 hours ago, you’ve changed my thinking about so many things.
This was a big one. I’m so passionate about my work. I see now though that when things don’t seem to be going right at work, it’s just the part I suffer through because of how much I value my relationship with work. Always knew the ups and downs were due to caring so much, but didn’t see the connection to my passion before.
Thanks Matt!