I’m on Clearwater beach right now getting ready to start my 5-day Retreat tomorrow. I don’t have my normal video set up with me, but I’m going to do my best to shoot something on my phone to say hi while I’m here.
In two weeks my show comes out on NBC.
In just three weeks my book comes out in North America.
All this means that my current schedule is pretty unrelenting.
As I write this my trainers are all sat around me on the top floor of the hotel, working on content before we go into action mode for the next 5 days.
Here’s the view from where I am:
It’s always strange the day before going on stage. I sit and think about all of the things I want to convey, and I go through my training manuals to make sure I’m on my game. One of the most important things to do before a speech is to emotionally connect with your material. If you don’t do that you can have the best material in the world but you won’t speak from the heart.
I work incredibly hard and I think about my work a lot. Often people tell me to take a break or to go on holiday. But what they don’t realise is that this IS my holiday. I’m doing what I love. There’s nothing else in the world I’d rather be doing. Maybe that’ll change one day. Maybe I’ll go in another direction altogether. But until it does, I’ll keep doing this all day everyday, because my life is focused on doing what I LOVE.
When I talk to people about their lives and whether they are doing what they love, I often hear this response: “Yeah but for you it’s easier because the successes you get validates the work you’re putting into it. It reinforce your efforts so it becomes easier to work hard.”
There is a lot of truth to this. The successes I’ve gotten HAVE reinforced my behaviour and provided much needed motivation at times.
But here is where this idea misses the point:
I was doing this LONG before there were any successes to report.
For those of you who have been following my work for years, you may remember this video:
I filmed this over 3 years ago when I was living in my apartment in London and none of this had happened. I have even older videos from 3 years before that (which were pretty terrible by today’s standards) when I was really only starting out in coaching. When I first started I was in survival mode. It really wasn’t easy. There was a ton of rejection. Lots of doors closing on me from people who said I was nobody, that I had no experience and wasn’t established enough.
But I did it anyway because, well, what else would I do?
See it’s true that on some projects in life you stop when you’re not getting any rewards.
But when it’s your love, your passion, you do it regardless of the ‘validation’, because you know you wouldn’t be doing anything else in the world.
If your love in life was business, then you wouldn’t stop creating businesses just because one project didn’t pay off. You would just change your approach. If you love business then you know you’ll be creating businesses till the day you die, because that’s what you love.
A painter who is a painter in her heart doesn’t stop painting because no one is buying her work. She paints because that’s who she is at her core – a creative soul who expresses it through her paintings. She doesn’t do it for the money.
I love the lifestyle I get from my public speaking. I love the fact that I get to travel. I love the amazing individuals I’ve been able to meet as a result, and the opportunities it affords me in life. But I was doing this before I had any of that, and I’ll still be doing this when the TV cameras go away. I’d do this if there was NO money in it and I had to sustain myself working in Mcdonalds. I’d be doing this if I had only one person to give a seminar to each week, because I F*****G LOVE learning about and helping people. It’s my obsession.
Everything else is a just a wonderful bonus (most of which I never even anticipated, let alone got motivated by).
Oh and do I need to point out the obvious parallel with your love life?
- Flirt because you LOVE flirting.
- Love because you LOVE loving.
- Be courageous because you LOVE being courageous.
Don’t do it for the rewards – those are all just wonderful bonuses.
I want to leave you with a video today from an up-and-coming artist who is also carving his space out in the world. His name is George Watsky and he’s another great story to follow. His new song is called Cardboard Castles. I have no reason to promote his work other than the fact that his song sums up so much of this blog post, and that I love to help someone succeed in doing what they love.
My favourite line of the song:
“I do things on a shoe string you couldn’t do with a cool mill”.
Because that’s what we do here on this blog. We work with what we have. You don’t have stone? Then build your castles out of cardboard.
I’ll finish with a question aimed at you…
What do you do in your life for no other reason than you LOVE it? If you have 30 seconds tell me by leaving a comment below. I can’t wait to learn about your passion in life.
Massive love to you AND your wonderful life.
Matthew
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I am one of Jehovah’s Witnesses and love serving the true God, Jehovah! Even if he never blessed me, I would do it regardless.
Hello,
Firstly, I’d like to thank you SO much for this post. Seriously, I was motivated by the rewards only when it comes to my love life, until now. You made me notice something no one else could, which is where my mistake is. Thank you!
Well, now answering your question: I’m no professional folk singer, I’m actually a translator (which is something else I enjoy doing) but what I LOVE to do without expecting any reward for is singing Irish songs. I will do it until I die, and even if I lose my voice someday, I will still do it in my mind… because I LOVE it!
So true. The goal is not what motivates you longterm. At least not for me. But I’ve already known that
As for things I do solely because I love doing them .. there are a couple of things – but practically, learning ANYTHING new.
Right now, while I’m still living with my mother (a musician, btw), I want to learn anything I can.
It’s fun, it’s different, and feels great. But there is one thing about that .. learning something is never obsolete. So it will be useful, perhaps not everything, but you never know when you need something anyways.
I started playing alto-flute just a week ago. I got incredibly far during this week, and started piano a few days ago,
I’m learning to knit(working on leg warmers right now, because it’s fun. And you can easily do it while you watch something
I love singing. Singing makes me happy. And helps me when I’m down.
I started to go to the gym and sauna regularily .. not because it’s healthy (although that is a good point), but because I simply love it. I wouldn’t do it otherwise.
And I love learning Japanese.
There’s too much to love for me, haha^^
Life sure is great!
You have too many skills Barbara – I’m jealous. I’m still trying to crack French at the moment! Thanks for writing x
Hi Matthew,
Thanks for this post. It so articulately sums up why I love what I am doing in my life. I work in the field of advanced education and training, and I work to make post-secondary more accessible and relevant for folks from all walks of life. It requires long and crazy work days, but it allows me to be creative in developing different ways of reaching out to people, and to work on things that can really make a difference in someone’s every day life, like raising literacy levels. I love it. Your post also sums up why I love distance running. It requires a lot of time, focus, and heart to stick with it, sometimes it’s painful, and people often think I’m crazy for doing it. But for me it is exhilarating to challenge myself, push for an extra couple of kilometres, or try for a new personal best.
Cheers,
J.
I find myresonance and inner peace in what many call the occult. Astrology, numerology and the like. Feels like home. My love life is on the rocks to some extent. Him wanting me, but also asking me to sleep around. It’s lose lose. Those things are my distraction. They sooth the soul.
Hmm..good question. I enjoy dancing and also trying to learn French
I love taking pictures. I’m studying photography and I’ve been taking pictures of my friends and friends of friends for years. If someone I don’t know is asking for a personal photoshoot, I don’t think about money and I ask them how much would they like to pay for that. I don’t want some financial issues to stop them from getting nice pictures. I really enjoy time communicating with my my friends or new people and making creative results out of it.
Hi, I’m currently a freshman in high school and recently on Valentine’s Day a guy I didn’t really know called after me with his friends and told me he thought I was beautiful. I’m sort of wondering if he might have meant it simply as a compliment, or maybe as a sign that he’s interested? His locker’s also right next to mine, so we’ve seen each other a couple of times.
The thing is now, whenever I see him, I act like nothing happened. I don’t know if I should try saying hi or not because I’m not sure what he would think after all this time of me not saying anything and, as bad as it sounds, acknowledging his existence. I’m also still not sure if he just meant it as a compliment.
Should I maybe try to pursue something? I feel like the moment’s passed. Do you think he was interested?
I recently signed onto the blog so this is my first response, even though I realize the blog was written some time ago. My response for my passion in life is my love of music and specifically singing opera. I spent 10 years between getting my degree and going back to school simply going through the paces. I had a job could support myself and was still singing but as a hobby. I found myself trying to find reasons to not go into work each day. I dreading getting out of bed and the only time I was happy was in a rehearsal for a show. It took me 10 years to realize that in order for me to live my authentic life I would only be happy doing what I love which is to sing. Just like you, Matthew, I would sing even if it garnered no money, recognition. I am now trying to do the same with the other areas of my life…friends, family, and relationships
wow, that video and advice was inspiring :D
I’m one of those who may be “on the curb again” shortly, but for me it’s a day by day thing. I’m a grad student, and like you I intend to pursue a career in coaching (I am going into life coaching, and while I’m sure relationship issues will come up, my focus is on the individual). This is my “cardboard castle”. I’m not going to stop.
Thank you for sharing your own story of perseverance, reflections, for the advice you publish for free (I did buy your book, and as finances become available, will continue being a loyal customer because I find so much value in your work, your life’s calling). Maybe one day we’ll meet in person at one of your seminars. Maybe one of these days you’ll have a life coach who will ask for your consulting services to teach her how to guide her clients in finding and sustaining the right relationship!
So, for me and I’m sure many others out there, could you write or produce something that would give us an idea of how to avoid the problem of being able to attract men like flies on honey, however we end up having to reject great guys because they move too fast and this is unacceptable to US (women), because we haven’t had the time and opportunity to even get to know the guy! Getting the guy may prove challenging for some, and for others, the problem is getting the guy to slow down to the point where we can get to know him, build a relationship, and then be in a position to evaluate future prospects.
I love everything you produce, and give total kudos to your book. I’d like to see something about how to get the guy to hold off on his marriage proposal for long enough (like, literally longer than a month!) to allow us time to make clear decisions. This is a very tricky situation; I have never found a way to decline a marriage proposal and still be able to maintain a dating relationship.
Thanks Matt! Thanks for the live event in London in February. It was one of the happiest days in my life. After I left the event I felt like dancing in the middle of the road all night long.. I felt like hugging the whole world:)
It was so impressive!
Hey Matt,
In many of your videos you talk about meeting people through your friends and going out with friends to find the right guy or to expand your social circle. What about in scenarios were you are unable to meet people through your friends or that your friends are not the type to want to go out often… What would you reccommend in a situation such as that?
Thanks!
Just for fun, I blog about being awesome. I don’t make a single penny off of it (at least not yet), but I LOVE the gratification of hearing that something I wrote made a difference in someone’s life. It’s an amazing feeling to know that I helped to brighten someone’s day!
Matthew,
I just found you today, well yesterday as I have been spending hours checking out your videos and now your blog.
My grandmother always said that she was the luckiest person she could be because she loved her work. She went to bed thinking of how she couldn’t wait to get up and get back to it.
For me, this is the scariest question I could be asking myself at this time in my life. Guess I am going to wrestle with it for now.
So why am I responding if I don’t have an answer…
It seems like a perfect place to send “your appreciated” out to you!
Warm regards,
Elizabeth
Hey Matthew,
This is a great question, its very thought provoking. For my entire life, I swear from the moment I could grasp anything I started to create. I have always been an artist, any which way I can be. Specifically my most current passion is that I love to take photographs, on film rather than digital, and I absolutely love the process of bringing that photograph to life through the various developing elements, unfortunately lack of availability of a darkroom and chemicals has put this love on hold but never fear for I have another passion… Dance, specifically West Coast Swing. I know there are health benefits to dancing however I don’t dance for my physical health I dance for my emotional health, I LOVE IT. The feeling I get when I’m on the dance floor grooving, spinning and occasionally acting like a goof is indescribable. I started dancing in college and eventually was on a dance sport team, sadly those years are past and I have found myself on a new adventure in life I moved to a big city 10hrs away from family (3 weeks ago) and admittedly have been struggling, but through happenstance I have found several companies around the city that offer WCS classes and social dancing and if it wasn’t for the advice that I have received from your program, blog, and newsletter I probably wouldn’t have plucked up the courage to go and introduce myself to a whole new group of people and actively conversed and freely danced with the group of people there, I still feel like I have a long way to go before I’m out of my shell but you have empowered me far beyond I would have expected of myself simply because I know me :) I want to thank you for that and I hope that this helped
Tiffany D
Dear Matt
Thank you for all of these; your blogs, books and videos. You have helped me to continue surviving smart. I really truly need all of these and I am one of your biggest fans, though you may not know me. I am waiting eagerly the day I could afford to come to your retreats.
Lots of love and best wishes,
Danica
Awesome article.
I love training dogs and their owners. The challenge of understanding the dog’s and owner’s psychology and adapting my approach to meet both needs is extremely stimulating. Encouraging and guiding an owner to enable their dog to become balanced and obedient is hugely rewarding. And the few times where the owner can’t hear what I say because it clashes with their values spurs me on to continually develop myself and my approach. There is always a solution and the empowerment this brings both to me and the owner is immensely gratifying.
I love my job, and i’m freshly graduated and i have waited sooo much to get a job of my passion not my dreams. but for my passion and everyday it fills me with joy ND I WANT T DO AND LEARN MORE ABOUT IT.i have learnt that in life to be successful you need to take baby steps toward what you want. step by step you’ll get there for sure. i’m following this strategy towards my health now and y love life too. and simply everything that i want.
i’m more than thankful that i came to know a dating couch like you who is very special like you who comes out of a place that no one did. I have read tons of books on love and dating and each have taught me something but unfortunately they were wrong or comes from hard to get crap talk. when i used to date guys i never really loved my attitude or i was feeling myself thats not what Rawan is. until i came to ( you can heal your life ) by Lousie hay. Her book covered every aspect of life including relationships. it has changed the ENTIRE WORLD for me. i could never expect to be so much alive and happy to be in love with myself and being myself thats just the best thing you can do to your amazing self. and thats exactly where your concepts and insights are coming from.
i dont have to be someone i dont want or i fake by being hard to get. i’m now very hard to forget and i have so much guys in my life that i have never had before. being an attractive woman is lots of fun and a pure experience that comes from the HEART. she has to do what she feels right at the same time she has a backbone and know exactly how to respond and how to express herself in a MARS language without much effort thanks to ( men from mars woman from venus ) which is the greatest book i have ever read and i advice every one to read.
thank you so much for your hard work and i encourage you to do more of what you love Mathew. i sincerely love you like really really love you. i cant wait to receive your book which i ordered a few days ago.
thanks again you are AMAZING XXXX