I couldn’t resist sharing this woman’s incredibly powerful story with you today.
She faced one of the most difficult, biggest setbacks I could ever imagine in her love life, and came to me for advice on how to get a guy to like her as more than a friend.
Maybe you struggle with your own insecurities (like I do).
This video is going to give you the #1 practical mindset shift to shatter those pesky doubts within minutes…
►► Learn how to shatter your insecurities and create your dream life… Go here → https://matthewhussey.com/retreat/
Hi Matthew, I can’t believe this video I swear it was like it was made for me I know exactly what this woman is going through because I have a disability and I go through the same thing all the time my disability is not as severe as hers I mean I can go out and do things for myself and I have lots of friends but when it comes to any kind of romantic relationship this is exactly what I worry about that the person in front of me would see me as a burden instead of as a person and I always struggle with how to show people that I’m an independent person that can do things for myself even though I need help more than the average person. The truth is I’ve never been in a relationship with anyone I don’t even know what it feels like to be in love because I haven’t met anyone that made me feel that way but I do have great friends that I love dearly and I know love me back and treat me just like they would any one else. By the way I signed up for your at home retreat and I was watching one of the videos I just finished the video that I was watching and I saw the notification pop-up on my phone and I watched it and I was so shocked it is like this video was made for me thank you so much I’m enjoying the retreat it is worth every penny that I paid for it, it’s even worth so much more than that and to anyone reading this comment I advise you to sign up for The retreat is soon as you can it will change your life. I made the decision to work on myself and love myself before I start looking for someone else to love or to have someone else love me I should love myself first at least that’s what I believe. Thank you Matt for everything you are truly the best take care have a great day much love, Rawan Zubaid from Kuwait.
PS I would really appreciated if you could give me or tell me the advice you gave to this lady to get her friend to be more not more than a friend just in case I meet someone I really like the way I will know what to do! Thanks
Hey, I had some mixed feelings about the video. In a way it is like he was using the story just to lift up other people. By not going on to share *any* of the advice he gave her the disability almost just became a classic don’t you feel better about your non-disabled life. Some insights for those of us facing these extra issues would have really shifted that. But I can see it came from a good honest place and he wanted to share the impact the experience had had on him :)
I did approach Matt via one of his coaches to do a video, potentially with me about dating withstand disability. But, he’s a mega busy man and maybe I shout louder!
@Rawan I’d say I still found Matt’s advice really helpful even without the special info/slant. Put your health aside initially and think how does this still apply to me? Think about it- learning to love and accept yourself and be your best self still applies. Dressing like your worth it to show off the body and personality you have. Doing things you love, creating a life you love is a biggie.
I coach people with chronic health problems and it’s so easy and common to see they don’t have hobbies because they can’t do x or y maybe never have or maybe are holding onto the dream of an old now difficult hobby. Find a new one or adapt an old one! Be imaginative to find solutions. Find a way to get out of the house or as a friend has done for example-turn to and practice nature photography from your window (her pictures are stunning!). You need something to talk about, a part of your identity that isn’t your disability! This will do the world of good irrespective of dating. If you already have this then you need to notice and shift a chat to your hot topics. Focus on building a network of friends so if you meet someone they aren’t your sole outlet. That’s dangerous and it puts way too much pressure on them. It’s tough if energy is super limited but even if it’s Skype chats in bed it’s still a connection :) It sounds like you work hard to show your indendence but check with yourself or if possible with others if you do it subtly or actually end up drawing more attention to your needs in a funny way. Do you see what I mean?
I’m lucky that I’m able to work, I do a few hours coaching a week and then 3 days I work as a doctor. But I have to rest a lot and work hard to manage my pain, spasms and other symptoms. I’ve started using a wheelchair last year and now I can have more of a life :) I think showing you are pro-active and not needing rescue is good. Looking at what you could you do to improve or maintain your well-being? People really sense someone doing their best and trying to improve their life versus someone waiting to be rescued. The latter can happen if understandably mood is impacted or we just find it hard to know how to make changes. Get help if so and enjoy the uplifting benefit of your retreat too!!
I found a partner and he is ace, very chilled not wanting to fix or save me but good at carrying bags or telling me to rest etc. The ones that try too hard and jump to help can be smoothering and may be looking for someone to rescue *beware*. My partner doesn’t care about my wheelchair as it helps us do more. I took much more adjusting than he did! Sure I still worry like when he is off climbing and I couldn’t possibly go. But then my friends remind me they *wouldn’t want to go* and their partners don’t mind! It is easy to see it all through our disability if we aren’t careful. There are thinks my partner isn’t so keen on like making a complaint on the phone when our internet is rubbish and he’s so grateful I take those jobs! They won’t be perfect either ;-)
Matt if you read this and want to do a video with me (The Empowerment Plan in UK-feel free to remove from text) I’m still very keen and so many women would benefit from my disability/health coaching insight combined with all your dating expertise.
Rawan Zubaid, lovely, insightful comment. You have true wealth in having loving friends and practicing loving yourself. The key is choosing complete contentment NOW. If you are not self-fulfilled now, then later you won’t feel happy either, even if you pair up. You will just be a lonely half of a pair.
But it’s obvious to me you have cultivated wisdom not self-pity and any guy would be lucky to get to be the one you allow close to you and to be honored with your trust. I hope you realize too how precious that is, and recognize your immeasurable worth that really no friend or partner can define or limit for you, even if you wanted them too… Anyway, best to you going forward. :-)
P.S. I hope that didn’t come off as condescending or know-it-all, honestly just wanted to offer encouragement from lessons I am still learning myself. Much love! <3
Thank you Mia for your lovely comments I really appreciate them. The truth is it took me years of trial and error and self exploration to get to this point and to this realization it wasn’t something that happened overnight it took time and it was really hard work. By the way your comments did not come out as condescending or a know it all I appreciate them and they are very insightful and wise and I wish you all the best in your journey going forward always remember that you can do anything you put your mind to there is nothing impossible, impossible does not exist if you want something you’ll find a way to do it and get it done!! My advice is to go through life looking at every experience as an adventure whether it’s good or bad always tried to find the joy in everything you do including everything that happens or at least the Silverlining. Always smile, smiling is good for you it makes you happy and fills your heart with joy and changes your mood when you feel sad plus it doesn’t cause as much wrinkles as frowning does that’s a scientific fact!! Much love and happiness to you and your family. :) xx
Gosh – that reduced me to tears! Really brought it home for me.
And I really do hope that she does find that someone special, who will love her and take care of her. I’m sure he is out there :)
Beautiful, Matt
I couldn’t think of a better person to have the one on one with you. That was so powerful..
Beautiful Matt, well done for opening everyone’s mind. Wonderful message, had me in tears Xx
This is wonderful message and thank you for it, but what was the answer you gave to this girl?
I have immunological disease, which means I’m not contagious in any way and I can do a lot of things (which I am doing, like dancing and martial arts), but I have scars on my face and hands and I have two bold patches on the back of my head covered with hair.
How can I reveal myself to a person who might seem interested? Should I do it right away on the first date? Should I wait? But this could be perceived like the fraud… There are so many questions, and there are surely many women with the immunological diseases going through the same situations.
I live like a monk for so many years and I am lonely, but I can’t come to a solution for this issue. Can you make the video for us who look “normal”, but who are wounded deep inside by our health problems? Thank you
Thank you for this video. I will save it and go back to it whenever I feel insecure about myself. I can still change what I’m insecure about, and I’m doing that for me.
I am going through a few physical and mental painful things at moment but that ladies setbacks make mine small,thank you Matt xx
I love your nose and your hair!!! <3 <3
Nice. I’m wondering if you were able to help her and was she able to land her guy?
So touching and inspiring.Nomater the challenges every one has a heart to love and to be loved.thanx for sharing the story and insecurity .
You are amazing. Such a huge heart!
Crying. You have a special gift for changing people’s lives, Matt.
Wow, this so relevant to a lot of us ladies, disability or not. I am there right now. Im now a great relationship after a horrendous divorce, but because my handsome guy has had so many pretty, young and slim dates previously, I am constantly thinking he does not like making out with m, as i have put on a stone since he met me. I dont even like him looking at me naked or touching me like he used to for a massage. Im the heaviest i have ever been thiugh not grosely overweight, Mostly through my being happy with him and working from home, then having had an op. I am always anxious about the way I look, that i am slightly older than him and have a few more wrinkles, is he taking me for a ride financially,is he seeing someone else, am I ever going to make it in my business and so on and so on. Listening to this vid has lifted my self belief a bit, but as we all know, the more ingrained your self doubts the harder it is to break free. At 46 its going to take some big mind set change to convince me otherwise. Thinks its too late for me.
Okay, was there editing that created some kind of delay, or time warp, between his story and the audience reaction? As soon as he started choking up, I thought “Oh don’t you do it … Don’t go there dude, don’t you tear up! Dammit! I swore I wouldn’t do this!” Lol I’ve got tears streaming down my face right away. And I am, whether or not he is intentionally dialing up the emotional intensity, I am aware of the dramatic delivery, but I am also truly moved by the story of the girl, deeply.
Then the cámara scans the women in the audience and I see dead eyes. I’m like, whoa! This session is either running long, into their lunch break, or maybe I’m looking at the effect of Hussey overload! Lol I could see that, but geez disconcerting. Get those ladies some coffee! Blood transfusion, oxygen mask, anything. Pass some bud! (Warm regards from sunny California! ^_^)
A big thank you for this video Matthew. i don’t think that it’s possible to stop feeling insecure but in case, in future, i do feel insecure, i’m definitely going to think about this video because i know this will help.
WOW! That was really powerful!
Great message. I’m wondering what advice you gave her. Was it the same you give others? Was it different because of how she gets around?
I hope she finds her guy. From how you describe her, I’m pretty sure she will and he’ll be great!
I can definitely relate to this video and to your comment Rawan Zubaid. I too have a disability (fortunately nowhere near as severe as the lady mentioned in the video), I lead a completely independent life and go out every day. I am so lucky and so blessed in so many ways. I just wish I knew how to broach the subject of disability with men that I’m talking to. Obviously there will always be some who are completely put off by my disability, and clearly they aren’t the right guy for me. However, there are perfectly decent guys out there who are open minded and do want to go on dates with me etc, but who I fear might be put off when they learn about my condition/the fact that I use a wheelchair.
Matt please could you do a video about how to approach disability (whether mental or physical) as a topic of conversation with guys that you’re talking to/dating.
I never see my condition as something negative, it’s just a very small part of who I am and I have learned to accept and embrace this. I just want to know how to project this positively so that others can see the real me and not the chair/disability. :)
This video brought me to tears. I’m so insecure about so many things and I am a healthy 35 year old female. I’ve been trying to change my mindset and being more grateful. My biggest challenge is that I meet people all the time that tell me I’m great, and smart and pretty. I’ve been told several times by guys I started to date that they feel I’m too good to be through or that I can do better. This would be great if it was true. After a couple of months of dating the completely opposite happens, where they aren’t ready for something serious or the dreaded “it’s not you its me”. How can I be both too good and yet never good enough? I’ve never had a relationship last more than a year and I’m starting to think that maybe there is something really wrong with me. I don’t want to be too good to be true, I just want to be good enough for somebody that’s also good enough for me.
Faby, your comment touched me because I was very much like you in my 20’s and 30’s. I am now 59, 6 yrs out of a 10 yr abusive relationship. I have done a lot of rebuilding of myself in the last 6 years.
I don’t want to high jack this post but as briefly as possible I hope by sharing what I have learned I can save you from the heart ache so many women go through.
Our whole lives we are told things about our selves, a lot of it is lies. Our parents, friends, TV, social medIA all tell us what we “should” be.
We end up becoming someone we are not. We forget about our desires, our dreams, our boundaries. The focus of everything we do becomes, being the woman the man wants and if he doesn’t want us there must be something “wrong” with us.
We stop looking at the man in a mindset of “is he the type of man I want in MY life?”
At 53 years old I started analyzing everything I felt and did, not just with men, but with everyone. I stopped doing things because I thought it was what was expected of me or to please someone else.
If I felt insecure I asked myself why, it usually was because I was not living true to me. For example: my mother is a neat freak, I have always been a neat freak, because it was expected of me, it got me my mother’s approval. But I never felt my house was clean enough, I felt like an imposter. I gave up fun times because I had to stay home and clean. I felt I had to be the best cook, the best mom, I developed an eating disorder bease I had to be slim. I didn’t know who I was any more, I was so busy being all the things I thought I “should” be.
So I stopped it all.
I gave myself permission to say no. I started listening to my gut. And if it didn’t feel good in my gut I didn’t do it. If a guy did something I didn’t feel comfortable with I didn’t think he was wrong and I was right, but that perhas he was not the man for me.
I started living true to my core self. Pursuing thongs that interested me. I stopped asking friends what they thought of me or thought what I should do and started listening to my gut.
I changed some things about myself that I didn’t like. I used to be very sensitive and take things very personal. I didn’t like it about myself. Now if I feel hurt I analyze why I feel hurt, is it justified? If I feel it is I will discuss it with the person. I started admitting when I over reacted.
When you start living true to the person you truly are a couple of things will happen. 1. Men will find you a lot more attractive. 2. You won’t care as much about finding a man because you will feel complete as you are.
I wish when I was your age I would have spent a hell of a lot less time worrying about whether I was being the kind of woman the guy wanted and spent more time being myself and doing my own thing. I wish I would have appreciated how beautiful I was and not wasted my time worrying about whether I was “enough”. I would have dated a lot less, had my heart broken a lot less, dated a lot less assholes and been available to date someone who deserved me. Good luck.and remember. It is pointless to try to be what we think someone else wants. You may think getting the man will make you happy, but if you are not living true to your core self it is impossible to ever be truly happy.