Flakey… Armed with excuses… And guilty of the high crime of wasting your time…
MPI’s are some of the smoothest criminals…
Watch the video below for this critical bulletin…
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Narrator:
The mission of the MPI is to extract the maximum amount of attention with the Minimum Possible Investment. These are their stories.
Blaine:
Ma’am, do you have any idea how fast you were going?
Woman:
Normal speed?
Blaine:
Normal speed? As in, you normally move that fast?
Woman:
I don’t know.
Blaine:
You don’t know? Yeah, well, too fast for me, cupcake.
Woman:
I’m sorry, is this going anywhere?
Blaine:
Hmm, sounds like you’re in a hurry.
Woman:
Well, sort of, yeah.
Blaine:
What did you just say?
Woman:
I don’t want to waste my time. Is that a crime?
Blaine:
MPI to Bravo, we have a possible female commitment situation here. Please advise.
Woman:
Are you serious?
Blaine:
Oh, you’d like that, wouldn’t you? Me getting serious after only 17 dates?
Woman:
Yeah. I would like that.
Blaine:
Ma’am, you need to calm down right now.
Woman:
I am calm right now. I was calm seven minutes ago when you got a text and I asked who it was.
Blaine:
Hold it right there.
Woman:
And you started getting all weird and pacing around the room.
Blaine:
Ma’am–
Woman:
Doing that breathing thing that you do…
Blaine:
I don’t know what you’re talking about.
Woman:
And the eye twitch. So, I was like, “Okay, I’ll just go,” and I got in my car, and now we’re here, doing this thing. In your driveway.
Woman:
Where did you even get a costume that quickly? It is very convincing.
Blaine:
I have the right to remain silent. Anything I say can and will be used against me. MPI to Bravo, need exit strategy. Do you copy?
Speaker 4:
Bravo to MPI. Do not engage. Repeat: Do not get engaged.
Blaine:
Copy that.
Woman:
Engaged? I’m not asking to get engaged. I’m asking who was texting you, and you get so defensive. Like, who even keeps their phone holstered like that?
Blaine:
Ma’am, step away from the phone. You’re endangering yourself and our relationship.
Woman:
And I’m done.
Blaine:
MPI to Bravo, suspect has hit it and is trying to quit it.
Woman:
And by the way, this childish, can’t-have-a-relationship-conversation bullshit is a massive turn-off.
Blaine:
Shots fired! Officer down… Ego bruised… Need back-up… Woman… I’m too old for this shit.
Sarah:
Oh, my God! Are you wounded?
Blaine:
I’ve been hurt. Not in a good place right now.
Sarah:
Okay. Stay with me.
Blaine:
What’s your name?
Sarah:
I’m Sarah.
Blaine:
Blaine Topher, MPI.
I was just like a Blaine and I think he moved on to Sarah after we broke up. Is there any chance to get him back?
Loved it. That was fantastic.
This is the second time I’ve allowed him back into my life. Furst 3 month stretch I fell hard. He always said I was the “best”. Referring to me as a best friend. Thoughtful, always spending lots of time together, Day trips, dinners, bbq’s. No commitment. Then one day he said he’d met someone???
Now 6 month’s later, were hanging around again. No title to “what” we are, same scenario, What am I, nuts ???
So hilarious and so true! MATT your videos and insight into relationships have helped me a lot to be less gullible and see through the scam and gain confidence to leave when I met an MPI. And your American accent is so cool, though I have a soft spot for the British one.
So hilarious and so true! The MPIs can be so irresistible that we forget our standards and so charming that we CHOOSE to believe their lies, don’t we? Matt your videos and insight into relationships have helped me a lot to be less gullible and see through the scam and gain confidence to leave and never look back (almost) when I met an MPI. And your American accent is so cool, though I have a soft spot for the British one and your clever sense of humour is absolutely amazing!
Best video yet!! Loved it!
Mine locked me down right away by asking me to be his girlfriend, telling me he loved me, good morning/goodnight texts daily & “how are you?” texts during the day…but basically neglected me in every other way for 7 of the 8 months we were “together” Then he unknowingly asked my friend out on a different dating website than we met on…she sent me the screenshots & I broke up with him that day!! Brutal!
He’s still trying to weasel his way back and it’s been 4 months!
Oh wow. This might be the absolute best video I’ve ever seen. You nailed it Mathew. LOVE it!!!!
what’s a MPI?