Ah yeeeeah, it’s that time, friend… a brand new spicy video for you.

This one is about compliments, and there’s some really interesting psychology in it about the compliments you can give to a person to create deep attraction between the two of you.

Take 4 minutes to watch it, then use one of these compliments today…

Matthew Hussey:

All right, everybody. Let’s talk about compliments, shall we? Harry?

 

Harry Hussey:

Yes?

 

Matthew:

You haven’t complimented me once today.

 

Harry:

Your hair looks very brown today.

 

Matthew:

Even Jameson’s more complimentary than that and he says nothing but insults for the first 30 minutes of a video.

What are the compliments that create attraction with someone? And not just that create attraction, but make us stand out in the process? How do we break through the noise?

Well, I’m going to give you three principles for compliments today. We did a compliment video a while back. I can’t remember how far back. Jameson, maybe you can run a little, adorable image of a younger me giving advice on compliments.

When we show that there’s something we like in someone else, they’re more likely to like us.

Let’s see if I’ve evolved since the last time we did this.

Number one, compliment the thing that people don’t hear every day.

I think when you see someone’s dating app, the temptation is to go for the low-hanging fruit. Look for that one picture of them that’s photoshopped and airbrushed, where they’re looking stunning in that really cool outfit, and their eyes are glistening like two beautiful orbs in the light. And then we say, “You’re gorgeous. Wow. You have amazing eyes.”

That doesn’t separate us. It might make someone feel good, but it’s white noise if that’s what they hear all the time. Look around the picture. Look what’s going on in the edges. Look what’s happening in the periphery. What book is on the table that they’re reading that you could compliment their choice of books? What are they doing in the picture? What skillset have they developed? Looking at these things will allow you to compliment things that they don’t often get complimented on and thus, you’ll stand out more.

The second principle of compliments – this one, I suppose, is great for when you meet people in person and you don’t have a couple of minutes to think about what you want to say about someone’s profile – look for the indirect compliment.

It can feel a little much to walk up to someone and say, “You’re beautiful.” It’s a lot. Some people would like that. Some of you in the comments will say, “I would love if someone came up to me and said that,” in which case, I very much hope someone says that to you this week. But a lot of people feel like, “Oh, it’s a lot of pressure when someone says that to me. Or it’s a lot of pressure to say that to someone, especially if it doesn’t go well.” This is where the indirect compliment comes in.

Compliment someone on a choice they’ve made – their shirt, their jacket, their shoes. “You have great taste in shoes. I love those. That’s a really cool bag. That, what you just ordered, sounds delicious. What a great order you just placed.” When we don’t compliment something that’s genetic, something they were born with, and instead we compliment something slightly more external, it’s a little easier. And by the way, could even be a bit more meaningful, because they made that choice. That’s their taste. They decided on that.

And lastly, when you get to know someone a little better, focus on complimenting their traits, not just the outcomes they’ve reached in life.

An outcome would be, if someone created a great business and you said, “What an amazing thing it is that you’ve created this amazing business…” or, “…that you’ve achieved all of this.” That’s like complimenting the medal that someone won.

I think it’s far more profound to compliment the traits that won them life’s medal. They built this business and you say, “Wow, it must’ve taken so much perseverance and ambition and drive to get to this point. That’s an amazing thing.” Instead of complimenting someone on being great at a language or an instrument, you compliment the passion and the patience that it must have taken to get to that point of skill.

When we compliment someone’s outcomes, they feel admired. When we compliment the traits that got them those outcomes, they feel seen. And feeling seen is the key to deep connection and attraction.

If you want more compliments, you can go to the free guide, www.SayThisToHim.com, we’ll link it up here, where I give you five more compliments you can use to create attraction. And other than that, Harry?

 

Harry:

Yes?

 

Matthew:

We’ll see everyone next week. I’ll see Harry in it exactly five seconds when the video is over.